Anyone who knows me, knows I like my sleep. As a teenager doing the rounds of the house parties I wasn't much of a rebel. In fact, it was a bit of a joke that if there was a bed to be found in the house, there was a 99.9% chance I would find it. Usually well before midnight. So having babies could have been a huge shock to the system but I found as a new mum of one tiny baby I could slouch around in my pj's well past lunchtime and get dressed just before getting read for bed again. Not that I ever managed a nanna nap when my baby slept. If Harry had half an hour I was lucky. It was just as well I loved my friends from Mother's Group so much as I made have had to stick pins in their eyes every time they told me of their baby's three hour daytime sleeps otherwise. Having a second baby brought out the inner robot in me and I found that second pair of hands I never knew I had!
Sleep can be an issue for many ASC children. I know of children who wake up ridiculously early every morning and those who walk around in the middle of the night. Others, like Harry, find the mere act of dropping off to sleep impossible. Their minds are racing with anxiety and they are unable to switch off. Routines are crucial with all children but even more so with ASC children. Strict bedtime rituals and practices can make the difference between that child wanting to go to bed and sleeping or a parent spending many hours persuading them they have to go to bed.
Sleep has always been an issue for Harry and hindsight is a wonderful thing in this respect. The day Harry was born he stood out from the other babies in the small four-bed ward. He refused to go to sleep at night except in my arms, and that is where he stayed for the next five weeks. It is clear to see now that Harry was born anxious and the midwife who suggested I pop him into bed with me on his first night in this World, will always have my gratitude. Other less kind midwives were to tell me that it was the fact I let Harry be cuddled which caused his inability to sleep in a crib and who started my constant train of thought over the coming months and years of 'what did I do wrong to cause him to be like this?'
The beauty of having a child in the UK, where Harry was born, is that they can sleep in a pram outside without fear of creepy crawlies or any other wildlife sneaking in for a cuddle. Harry would sleep (ha!) outside in his pram by day and in bed with me at night. Of course the only one sleeping was him because I wasn't sleeping for fear of turning him into mash potato. After five weeks, he progressed to his crib which was placed right next to me where he started sleeping through the whole night and I was smugger than a smug person from smugsville.
That was until our first camping trip when he was four months old. Again, with the beauty of hindsight, it was clear to see that Harry didn't like change as his sleeping from that camping trip to this day is the first thing to go when his anxiety increases. He slept in our room for a lot longer than other babies usually do and once he started kamikazing out of his cot at twenty months, we were his hostages despite the fact he was the one behind the safety gate. He would stand screaming at the gate on his door until we would eventually find him fast asleep on the floor behind his gate. It was heartbreaking watching him scream but we heeded the maternal nurse's advice not to give in to him, he would learn to settle and if we gave in, he would keep doing it. He kept doing it anyway!
We moved to Australia when Harry was two and a half. It was at this point a new friend introduced me to the wonders of Phenergan and I became a convert. Apparently, it made me hyper as a toddler so I tried some on Harry before giving him a full dose but it soon became my saviour in a house where a toddler fought sleep regularly. It didn't help that we moved to a country where we discovered houses were built with the master bedroom well away from the other bedrooms so the parents could have a retreat. Subsequently our living room became Harry's bedroom as it was next to ours - and our parent's retreat became the Island of Sodor!
Phenergan continued to be my best friend especially on long haul flights back to the UK when the story of Goldilocks and the Two Bears was re-enacted by me and the two boys. One spoon for baby bear, one bigger spoon for middle sized bear and one whopping great spoon - never mind I'll just drink it out of the bottle - for Mummy Bear. On one flight, we all had five hours solid sleep in economy class, something unheard of I think - ever. When we landed in Manchester at 6.30am we were all so bright-eyed, our relatives couldn't believe that a) we had all just travelled twenty-three hours and b) I had done it alone with two small children. I have to say, Singapore Airlines were truly amazing on this flight looking after me so well, I claimed I would fly with two children on my own again any time. At this point Elliot was eighteen months old and I remembered what Harry was like travelling at two and a half and decided I valued my sanity too much and we'd leave the next long haul until Elliot was at least four and he had discovered the wonders of Sponge-Bob and I could legitimately stock up on Phenergan over a few months without fear of social services knocking on my door wanting to know why I was bulk buying sleeping medicine in all the local pharmacies!
Not long after this trip back to old Blighty, our early intervention services kicked in whilst we were sitting on a waiting list for Harry's Autism assessment. Our caseworker told us she would have Harry back in his own room and sleeping within a few days; the longest it had ever taken her was ten days. Andrew, my husband, and I stood there with unconvinced, knowing faces - not a chance, Harry was going to bring her down! And so two days later Harry was back in his own bedroom and going to sleep without fuss... Again, my old pal Phenergan played his part and we were advised to give him a small dose every night for several weeks until he got into the routine of going to sleep and staying asleep. We were told this was a normal practice by them when helping to get an ASC child to sleep, despite the warnings on the bottle, especially as we were giving him a quarter of the normal dose. We finally discovered what it was to have two children who went to bed every night, without fuss, and slept. Not that I was letting Phenergan out of my house that easily.
The only time this routine is now broken is when Harry's anxiety levels go through the roof for whatever reason. Which is what happened a few months ago. Eventually the relentless trips back to bed weren't worth it and I took to making up a bed on our bedroom floor just to save the hassle of having to do it at 1am. Harry wrestled with our bedroom floor every night in an attempt to get to sleep or drive us nuts, not quite sure which one. Even though he was in our room he still wasn't sleeping, and consequently neither were we. By this point, I had been sleep deprived for over a week which as any sleep deprived mother knows does not make her sane and in fact makes Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction look like Snow White!
Harry's GP had previously prescribed some Melatonin for Harry, telling me he would rather Harry take that for his sleep than Phenergan as he was on other medication at this point. Unfortunately the prescription was for tablet Melatonin which I quickly discovered cannot be crushed, as it reduces it's effectiveness. So I tootled off with my repeat prescription and asked for more of the same but in liquid form. The pharmacist clearly not sensing my desperation told me he couldn't give me liquid Melatonin with a prescription for tablet Melatonin despite my best efforts to chuck a massive two year old tantie screaming 'But whhhhhhhyyyyyy?' at him. I flew into the GP's surgery next door looking, I can only assume, slightly deranged. Our GP kindly whisked me straight into his room - I presume I gave the surgery a bad look - where he wrote me out a script for liquid Melatonin with a scared-looking pharmacist joining us in his office to discuss the correct dosage.
The GP sensing my delirium and worried I was on my way to ending up behind a bin somewhere with my bottle of gin singing 'It's A Fine Life', asked if I needed anything too. However, I told him I was already sorted, I was going hardcore with the Melatonin tablets that Harry couldn't swallow. Failing that, I knew a man called Dan! (For the non-Australians Dan Murphy's is a very cheap alcohol warehouse). I tucked myself up happily in bed that night with a glass of wine and one Melatonin. When one tablet didn't work, the next night I had two! A sleeping tablet that is completely natural and non-addictive is the most rock and roll I am ever likely to get. Fortunately for my husband, I never needed to hit the dizzy heights of three tablets as Harry's liquid Melatonin started to work and normal sleep was resumed. Once his new anxiety medication started to kick in, I decided the Melatonin was going to be saved for desperate times. But after four days of two children running around until 8.30pm I decided that was as desperate as I was prepared to let it get!
And so, my new best friend is Melatonin. If you don't know him, he's small, pink and is very fruity. He is worth his weight in gold, literally, he must be liquid gold the amount I have to pay for the smallest amount! But he's worth every cent. I now just need to find an occupation to help pay for the habit. But no offers of bar jobs please, I have to be in bed by 8pm because I need my sleep!
