Long Legs didn't look too flash this morning as he went to get out of the car for school. It's been his 'time of the month' for playing up at bed time so he's generally yawning his head off every morning. Wish I knew what caused it but anyway.
He was looking a bit peeky just as he was about to get out so I asked him if he was ok? He replied 'no it's my head'. So I said 'oh poor baby, what's the matter?' I don't feel right,' he said. 'How long have you felt like this?' I was genuinely feeling quite concerned. 'Since I was born Mums, not been right in the head since then.' And out he jumped laughing his head off. Bloody actors. Til tomorrow x
Autism Angel
Saturday, 30 May 2015
Friday, 29 May 2015
28th May - Thor Again!
Don't you just love those conversations that start off on one topic and somehow manage to end up back at the kids' interests?! Today we had a conversation that started off with a question about religion, I forget what now, so I started to explain the different religions and gods etc etc.
We ended up on the subject of Greek gods and soon I was being talked over and the boys talked amongst themselves about who Zeus was the God of (the Short One insisted he was the God in control of lightening and Long Legs said he was the God of the Underworld - I am still none the wiser.) Then somehow or other they ended up talking about Thor and back we were to the Avengers.
Question that was asked gone out of the window, mother talking to herself merrily whilst Iron Man and Thor stole my moment. Pffft. Anyhow good excuse to put on that photo of Thor again! Til tomorrow x
We ended up on the subject of Greek gods and soon I was being talked over and the boys talked amongst themselves about who Zeus was the God of (the Short One insisted he was the God in control of lightening and Long Legs said he was the God of the Underworld - I am still none the wiser.) Then somehow or other they ended up talking about Thor and back we were to the Avengers.
Question that was asked gone out of the window, mother talking to herself merrily whilst Iron Man and Thor stole my moment. Pffft. Anyhow good excuse to put on that photo of Thor again! Til tomorrow x
Wednesday, 27 May 2015
27th May - All Or Nothing
In the words of the late, great, Steve Marriott; 'It's all or nothing'. I am, of course, referring to the ASD brain. This is probably one of the most important blogs I will write this year so please, please read this, digest it and share with others.
Anyone who has even a vague interest in what autism spectrum disorder actually means will read a blog or two, maybe a book by a medical professional such as Tony Attwood or even just an article or two that appears in a newspaper or on social media on the subject. You may read a personal account or just live the experience. You will try to soak up information to understand ASD for either your own reasons or because you want to help another.
I have noticed, however, that there is one basic, fundamental fact that is not quite reaching us all. ASD is not selective, most of us know this, but there is still a belief that not everything a person with ASD does is always connected to their ASD. It is.
When we talk about ASD being subtle, we're not just talking about the characteristics which are frequently observed in children with ASD that we, as ASD caregivers, know about. Getting frustrated with the general public who don't, in the absence of a walking stick, bandage or wheelchair, 'see' the condition.
We are talking about the subtle brain behaviours which are at the root of every single behaviour in a child but which may not necessarily be in the ASD 'hall of fame'. You know the ones I'm talking about. But how many times have we heard someone say, 'oh well that she is clearly doing that on purpose!' or 'all kids do that, so he's just doing the same as other kids.' Which translates as, he/she should get the same consequence as any other neuro-typical child.
All behaviour, by a child with ASD, has a purpose. An essential ingredient of ASD is that there is communication impairment. So it stands to reason that they will use behaviour as a replacement for communicating. Babies can't talk, so what do they do? They cry, they wail, they absolutely holler. We appreciate they can't talk so use what they have at their disposal to communicate with us i.e. their lungs!
As a child gets older, just because they have vocabulary, especially if we already know they are ASD, does not necessarily mean they have adequate communication skills. Plus they can now walk, run, kick, hit etc. They have more than just their lungs to communicate. And being fed, changed, kept at the right temperature and entertained has expanded to a whole heap more of needs, demands and aggravations.
Does this behaviour have to be ignored or excused? No! But once you understand where the behaviour is coming from, what part of the ASD brain is causing it, you can set about forming strategies to help the child cope or find a new behaviour to replace the less desirable one. So how do we know where this behaviour is coming from?
If she doesn't mind, I'll use the description I used to explain this to my own younger sister, who is herself ASD and even she needed me to help her understand her own brain. Let's call my sister Plebhead because, quite frankly, she is my younger sister and that is what I am allowed to call her. My older sister and I call her much worse but those names are not repeatable on this blog!
My sister has a 5 year old daughter who is not yet diagnosed but is in desperate need of assessment and therapy. For the time being, she is having several behavioural issues which the family are struggling with. My niece is such a clear cut case of ASD, if I understood how the UK system worked I would be all over them like a rash because the length of time it is taking to get her help is ridiculous. Anyway, that's another blog topic.
I started off by telling my sister that my niece, we will have to presume at this stage, has an ASD brain. It comes as a whole package. There are no half shares of ASD, half neurotypical. So everything, and I mean everything, she does is as a result of her ASD brain working in it's own unique way. Yes, she may have some behaviours which to an untrained eye look neuro-typical, but their foundation is coming from somewhere else.
ASD children are not 'just naughty'. Sure, they may seem to be behaving naughty and it may be a regular behaviour that they turn on for the same reason every day so you may think it's just plain old naughtiness that needs a consequence. In reality, you need to become a detective and dig a bit deeper.
I told her that whenever a child with ASD does something, you have to think of the five essential ASD characteristics; communication, social-emotional, sensory, restricted thinking or repetitive behaviours and information processing which includes executive functioning and central coherence. And this is where you are going to have to read and learn and do your best Inspector Morse.
In my niece's case, she doesn't want to eat her dinner and point blank refuses to eat it, she will scream and carry on and say she wants something else. I worked out what was going on in with a few simple questions. What is she doing before you tell her it's tea time? She's playing. What happens when you tell her it's tea time? She throws a wobbler and says she wants something else. What do you do when she doesn't eat it? We make up a snack plate that she can have later. She eats perfectly at school and eats everything she's given. Untrained eye, she throws a hissy fit, doesn't get made to eat tea, gets it on her own terms, eats at school, so she's just being naughty, playing her Mum up, being indulged. Right? Wrong.
My niece clearly has executive functioning impairments, specifically shifting attention from playing to eating. So why does she eat at school? Children with ASD can struggle with shifting attention from something fun to something not fun. At home playing, offered tea - boring. At school doing work, offered food - food more interesting. Are they being spoiled? Absolutely not. This is one of many subtle ASD characteristics which is just the way their brain works.
Why does she eat what she's given at school and say she wants something else at home? A simple communication impairment, what she is actually saying is, I don't want to eat tea right now because I'm playing but if I say I don't want that, it's the same thing. Even if she isn't allowed to continue to play, these behaviours can then simply become a habit.
A basic ABA technique for working out behaviours is called the A-B-C technique; antecedent (what the child does before the behaviour), the behaviour itself and the consequence (what does the child get or what do you do as a result of that behaviour). Write it down and look at what either sets the child off to do that behaviour or look at the consequence, what 'reward' are they getting from the behaviour.
Long Legs used to, many years ago, shout out in class and was always sent out of class as a result. He kept doing it. The teacher got frustrated with him because his 'punishment' didn't work. Why did he keep doing it? Because a boy next to him drove him potty and he couldn't stand the noise (antecedent). He shouted and told the boy to 'shut up' (behaviour). So he got shouted at, whatever, he got sent to a nice quiet room all by himself to do his work (consequence/reward). This went on for an entire year. The following year I specifically requested Long Legs and this other boy were not put in the same class. The behaviour ceased.
I sincerely hope this makes sense and I welcome any questions/feedback.
Til tomorrow x
http://www.thesensoryspectrum.com/what-is-the-difference-between-speech-and-language/
Anyone who has even a vague interest in what autism spectrum disorder actually means will read a blog or two, maybe a book by a medical professional such as Tony Attwood or even just an article or two that appears in a newspaper or on social media on the subject. You may read a personal account or just live the experience. You will try to soak up information to understand ASD for either your own reasons or because you want to help another.
I have noticed, however, that there is one basic, fundamental fact that is not quite reaching us all. ASD is not selective, most of us know this, but there is still a belief that not everything a person with ASD does is always connected to their ASD. It is.
When we talk about ASD being subtle, we're not just talking about the characteristics which are frequently observed in children with ASD that we, as ASD caregivers, know about. Getting frustrated with the general public who don't, in the absence of a walking stick, bandage or wheelchair, 'see' the condition.
We are talking about the subtle brain behaviours which are at the root of every single behaviour in a child but which may not necessarily be in the ASD 'hall of fame'. You know the ones I'm talking about. But how many times have we heard someone say, 'oh well that she is clearly doing that on purpose!' or 'all kids do that, so he's just doing the same as other kids.' Which translates as, he/she should get the same consequence as any other neuro-typical child.
All behaviour, by a child with ASD, has a purpose. An essential ingredient of ASD is that there is communication impairment. So it stands to reason that they will use behaviour as a replacement for communicating. Babies can't talk, so what do they do? They cry, they wail, they absolutely holler. We appreciate they can't talk so use what they have at their disposal to communicate with us i.e. their lungs!
As a child gets older, just because they have vocabulary, especially if we already know they are ASD, does not necessarily mean they have adequate communication skills. Plus they can now walk, run, kick, hit etc. They have more than just their lungs to communicate. And being fed, changed, kept at the right temperature and entertained has expanded to a whole heap more of needs, demands and aggravations.
Does this behaviour have to be ignored or excused? No! But once you understand where the behaviour is coming from, what part of the ASD brain is causing it, you can set about forming strategies to help the child cope or find a new behaviour to replace the less desirable one. So how do we know where this behaviour is coming from?
If she doesn't mind, I'll use the description I used to explain this to my own younger sister, who is herself ASD and even she needed me to help her understand her own brain. Let's call my sister Plebhead because, quite frankly, she is my younger sister and that is what I am allowed to call her. My older sister and I call her much worse but those names are not repeatable on this blog!
My sister has a 5 year old daughter who is not yet diagnosed but is in desperate need of assessment and therapy. For the time being, she is having several behavioural issues which the family are struggling with. My niece is such a clear cut case of ASD, if I understood how the UK system worked I would be all over them like a rash because the length of time it is taking to get her help is ridiculous. Anyway, that's another blog topic.
I started off by telling my sister that my niece, we will have to presume at this stage, has an ASD brain. It comes as a whole package. There are no half shares of ASD, half neurotypical. So everything, and I mean everything, she does is as a result of her ASD brain working in it's own unique way. Yes, she may have some behaviours which to an untrained eye look neuro-typical, but their foundation is coming from somewhere else.
ASD children are not 'just naughty'. Sure, they may seem to be behaving naughty and it may be a regular behaviour that they turn on for the same reason every day so you may think it's just plain old naughtiness that needs a consequence. In reality, you need to become a detective and dig a bit deeper.
I told her that whenever a child with ASD does something, you have to think of the five essential ASD characteristics; communication, social-emotional, sensory, restricted thinking or repetitive behaviours and information processing which includes executive functioning and central coherence. And this is where you are going to have to read and learn and do your best Inspector Morse.
In my niece's case, she doesn't want to eat her dinner and point blank refuses to eat it, she will scream and carry on and say she wants something else. I worked out what was going on in with a few simple questions. What is she doing before you tell her it's tea time? She's playing. What happens when you tell her it's tea time? She throws a wobbler and says she wants something else. What do you do when she doesn't eat it? We make up a snack plate that she can have later. She eats perfectly at school and eats everything she's given. Untrained eye, she throws a hissy fit, doesn't get made to eat tea, gets it on her own terms, eats at school, so she's just being naughty, playing her Mum up, being indulged. Right? Wrong.
My niece clearly has executive functioning impairments, specifically shifting attention from playing to eating. So why does she eat at school? Children with ASD can struggle with shifting attention from something fun to something not fun. At home playing, offered tea - boring. At school doing work, offered food - food more interesting. Are they being spoiled? Absolutely not. This is one of many subtle ASD characteristics which is just the way their brain works.
Why does she eat what she's given at school and say she wants something else at home? A simple communication impairment, what she is actually saying is, I don't want to eat tea right now because I'm playing but if I say I don't want that, it's the same thing. Even if she isn't allowed to continue to play, these behaviours can then simply become a habit.
A basic ABA technique for working out behaviours is called the A-B-C technique; antecedent (what the child does before the behaviour), the behaviour itself and the consequence (what does the child get or what do you do as a result of that behaviour). Write it down and look at what either sets the child off to do that behaviour or look at the consequence, what 'reward' are they getting from the behaviour.
Long Legs used to, many years ago, shout out in class and was always sent out of class as a result. He kept doing it. The teacher got frustrated with him because his 'punishment' didn't work. Why did he keep doing it? Because a boy next to him drove him potty and he couldn't stand the noise (antecedent). He shouted and told the boy to 'shut up' (behaviour). So he got shouted at, whatever, he got sent to a nice quiet room all by himself to do his work (consequence/reward). This went on for an entire year. The following year I specifically requested Long Legs and this other boy were not put in the same class. The behaviour ceased.
I sincerely hope this makes sense and I welcome any questions/feedback.
Til tomorrow x
http://www.thesensoryspectrum.com/what-is-the-difference-between-speech-and-language/
Tuesday, 26 May 2015
26th May - RIP little packet of crisps...
I started my day by stomping on a packet of salt and vinegar crisps in temper. What was his crime? Well a packet of barbecue fell out so I picked him up and put him back. Then his mate, barbecue 2 fell out so I picked him up and put him back. Then little Miss Clever Clogs salt and vinegar thought 'this looks fun' and fell out too. So I stomped on her head. The End. Hope your day started better than mine :D Til tomorrow x
24th May - Oops!
We may be in trouble. We may have let our boys do something which they will, with the memories of elephants, never forget we let them do. Sunday dinner was served on the coffee table and we all sat and watched Long Leg's birthday DVD, Night At The Museum 3. It was a glorious afternoon and it was topped off with the Short One eating green beans and declaring them delicious...what the!??! One small step for mankind and all that. You fellow ASD Mum's know what I'm talking about! Til tomorrow x
23rd May - Darth Daddy
This weekend is the anniversary of the release of Star Wars. Our local theme park had their annual charity drive for Make A Wish with all the characters from Star Wars hanging around all weekend. They did a parade and there was a pretend Jedi fight and all other stuff that boys who like their toys understood. The Short One had O.T. first thing but we headed down for an afternoon's frivolity.
I went along for the ride and soon regretted it. I kept losing my three boys every five minutes because I'd turn around and they'd have disappeared to have another photo taken with someone or other in costume. Oh and there was a Lego exhibition to boot. We did have to laugh when Darth Vader held a little boy's hand for a photo and high fived another afterwards. We suspected he maybe wasn't the real deal...
Til tomorrow x
I went along for the ride and soon regretted it. I kept losing my three boys every five minutes because I'd turn around and they'd have disappeared to have another photo taken with someone or other in costume. Oh and there was a Lego exhibition to boot. We did have to laugh when Darth Vader held a little boy's hand for a photo and high fived another afterwards. We suspected he maybe wasn't the real deal...
Til tomorrow x
22nd May - Flying High
This afternoon I sat and waited. And waited. Eventually the Short One could stand it no more and went off in search of his brother at school pick up time. We have been playing a game of cat and mouse with pick up this week. Long Legs clearly likes to keep me on my toes by standing in a new place every day just to see if I can find him.
Twenty minutes after the bell had gone, he came running around the corner and I just presumed he had been found by his brother. Oh no! Long Legs called out to his brother from his classroom when he was seen wandering around. Long Legs was in the classroom talking to a Qantas Link pilot, the link bit is very important! They are learning about aerodynamics this term and the teacher's brother-in-law came in for the afternoon to talk to them and explain planey dynamic stuff including how to fly a Qantas Link plane.
But that wasn't enough for Long Legs. He had to stay back and talk to the pilot for 20 minutes with questions that appear to have been firing out quicker than the pilot could answer. He told me how he told the pilot that he drew planes all day at school and the pilot said he used to do the same thing too. Yay. He also loved F1 and has the same name as Daddy and he wants to be just like him when he grows up. I'm exhausted at this point of a few minutes conversation.
He said he told the pilot he really wanted to be one too and how did he become one and what did he have to do well at in school but oooooh nnnoooo he also wanted to be an F1 driver?!?! Genius teacher that he has solved the dilemma. Become an F1 driver, buy your own private jet and learn how to fly it to your races. Problem solved! Long Legs was buzzing, any buzzier and he could have flown himself without the aid of a plane. Til tomorrow x
Twenty minutes after the bell had gone, he came running around the corner and I just presumed he had been found by his brother. Oh no! Long Legs called out to his brother from his classroom when he was seen wandering around. Long Legs was in the classroom talking to a Qantas Link pilot, the link bit is very important! They are learning about aerodynamics this term and the teacher's brother-in-law came in for the afternoon to talk to them and explain planey dynamic stuff including how to fly a Qantas Link plane.
But that wasn't enough for Long Legs. He had to stay back and talk to the pilot for 20 minutes with questions that appear to have been firing out quicker than the pilot could answer. He told me how he told the pilot that he drew planes all day at school and the pilot said he used to do the same thing too. Yay. He also loved F1 and has the same name as Daddy and he wants to be just like him when he grows up. I'm exhausted at this point of a few minutes conversation.
He said he told the pilot he really wanted to be one too and how did he become one and what did he have to do well at in school but oooooh nnnoooo he also wanted to be an F1 driver?!?! Genius teacher that he has solved the dilemma. Become an F1 driver, buy your own private jet and learn how to fly it to your races. Problem solved! Long Legs was buzzing, any buzzier and he could have flown himself without the aid of a plane. Til tomorrow x
Thursday, 21 May 2015
21st May - Leaking Eyes
Don't you just hate those moments when completely unexpectedly, your eyes start to leak. Something randomly touches a nerve and you well up. Well I had one of those moments this morning. I will add that I'm not feeling particularly emotional at the moment, life is actually pretty cruisey. Now when I say cruisey, we have our episodes on a frequent basis, which you'll know if you read these blogs daily. No, what I mean is the repeat button is not being held down and I do not currently feel like my head is on a full spin cycle.
My mornings not consisting of the same battles has enabled me to put my fishwife costume back in the box. Dare I say it, but I probably have stress levels at an all time low and I'm actually enjoying my children. That may sound horrible but as any parent with a child who has demands above and beyond the already high demands of a child probably knows, we love our kids to the moon and back but their daily challenges don't leave much room for us to just enjoy them being kids. I am getting to do that at the moment probably for the first time that I can remember. Long Legs actually talks to me in audible words and not just grunts!
Today I went to the Short One's school assembly. I used to be a weekly attender but this year I've just not felt so inclined. So today I went and much to his delight I actually stayed for the whole thing. I normally bolt before the class presentation at the end. This morning the presentation was by the senior class which Long Legs was in last year so I thought I'd stay and see what they were doing this year.
It turned out to be a mini play/musical with the theme of bullying. They introduced by explaining bullying can be verbal, physical, it can be a group of kids or it can be hidden. The play started out with the main character having no friends and nobody would even talk to him. He was called weird by all the other kids and the eyes without warning sprung a leak!
No amount of looking up the ceiling to inspect for cobwebs was stopping it so I just went with it and dabbed the eyes to stop the mascara running. I wished this presentation had been done the year before. My boy last year in senior, and probably all the years before that, just wanted to be liked, just wanted to have friends. He had a couple but the majority of children at primary probably just thought of him as nobody worth bothering with. Weird.
So that raw nerve we all have, got stung. Aside from the fact that we have had an issue with Long Legs being called names at his new school, I realised I was crying because I just wondered how much of this mini play was actually sinking in to these kids? How much did they realise that their behaviour and actions do matter? And I wondered, for all the talk of bullying being subtle and how much mental anguish it can cause, how much do teachers practise what they preach?
I was disappointed in the ending which was five other kids beating the main character up and I just thought, yep, all people are going to really take from this is that bullying has to be physical. It has to be extreme and seen before something is really done about it. Isn't that the epitome of ASD? People can't see it, they can't see the effects of having a brain work differently, so it's just not real. They can't see how other kids treat your child differently because of it and they can't see how that makes a child feel. Therefore, that subtle bullying carries on.
So meanwhile, Nigella has a chocolate cake recipe which I have promised to make the boys. I feel a large slice of comfort cake coming on for myself. Failing that, somebody send me a wet fish so I can slap myself out of this state I now find myself in. Til tomorrow x
My mornings not consisting of the same battles has enabled me to put my fishwife costume back in the box. Dare I say it, but I probably have stress levels at an all time low and I'm actually enjoying my children. That may sound horrible but as any parent with a child who has demands above and beyond the already high demands of a child probably knows, we love our kids to the moon and back but their daily challenges don't leave much room for us to just enjoy them being kids. I am getting to do that at the moment probably for the first time that I can remember. Long Legs actually talks to me in audible words and not just grunts!
Today I went to the Short One's school assembly. I used to be a weekly attender but this year I've just not felt so inclined. So today I went and much to his delight I actually stayed for the whole thing. I normally bolt before the class presentation at the end. This morning the presentation was by the senior class which Long Legs was in last year so I thought I'd stay and see what they were doing this year.
It turned out to be a mini play/musical with the theme of bullying. They introduced by explaining bullying can be verbal, physical, it can be a group of kids or it can be hidden. The play started out with the main character having no friends and nobody would even talk to him. He was called weird by all the other kids and the eyes without warning sprung a leak!
No amount of looking up the ceiling to inspect for cobwebs was stopping it so I just went with it and dabbed the eyes to stop the mascara running. I wished this presentation had been done the year before. My boy last year in senior, and probably all the years before that, just wanted to be liked, just wanted to have friends. He had a couple but the majority of children at primary probably just thought of him as nobody worth bothering with. Weird.
So that raw nerve we all have, got stung. Aside from the fact that we have had an issue with Long Legs being called names at his new school, I realised I was crying because I just wondered how much of this mini play was actually sinking in to these kids? How much did they realise that their behaviour and actions do matter? And I wondered, for all the talk of bullying being subtle and how much mental anguish it can cause, how much do teachers practise what they preach?
I was disappointed in the ending which was five other kids beating the main character up and I just thought, yep, all people are going to really take from this is that bullying has to be physical. It has to be extreme and seen before something is really done about it. Isn't that the epitome of ASD? People can't see it, they can't see the effects of having a brain work differently, so it's just not real. They can't see how other kids treat your child differently because of it and they can't see how that makes a child feel. Therefore, that subtle bullying carries on.
So meanwhile, Nigella has a chocolate cake recipe which I have promised to make the boys. I feel a large slice of comfort cake coming on for myself. Failing that, somebody send me a wet fish so I can slap myself out of this state I now find myself in. Til tomorrow x
20th May - Living With Tom Cruise And Brad Pitt
OK so let me explain, I don't actually live with Tom and Brad. That's just crazy talk and you'd have to be as gorgeous as Jennifer Aniston to think that somebody like Brad would look twice, right? I jest, of course. He'd snap me up like a cut price TV on Black Friday but that damn Angelina probably wouldn't like it much. But I do genuinely live with two actors who, unlike Tom Cruise, could easily win an Oscar. Take today for example. Hang on, let's first go back a few years. Cue the wavy lines of memory regression on the TV screen...
Once upon a time i.e. a few years ago when we were trying to get Long Leg's assessed and potentially diagnosed with something, anything to explain his behaviour, we used to have early intervention caseworkers and medical professionals conduct observations on him. During which time he would behave impeccably. They would always ask 'is this normal behaviour?' and my husband and I would yell quietly 'for the love of wine and chocolate, do you really think so?' And off they would go on their merry way saying he had behavioural issues and it was obviously a parenting thing.
Clearly, was I as savvy as I am now, I would have explained from the outset that that we had issues with him as a result of communication difficulties and socially inappropriate behaviour. These two phrases will give you a head start with any paediatrician which will wave a red flag at them. Instead I had started the ball rolling by visiting medical professionals simply saying we were having trouble with his 'behaviour'. The only thing that got waved was their bill at me on my way out of the door. Major 'durrr' moment.
I've heard many parents say the same thing as I have said myself, when we have gone into an appointment and we've willed our child on to be as vile as possible and have silently high-fived ourselves when they have obliged. Mummy's not going to look like a complete fruit-cake today who makes things up darling. Yay! So fast-forward several years. We have the diagnosis, now we want to make improvements in social behaviour and communication and with the right therapies, get our children to be as fully functioning as they can be.
Back to today. My University lecturer was coming to my house this afternoon as I am doing some work for her. She was at a local school so she said she'd pop around after. The Short One was due to be at AFL training and was gutted he would miss her so he asked me to take a selfie. Yeah, that was never gonna happen. But as it was she was running late so we arranged to meet up after his AFL. As we pulled up the drive she was sitting there in my very conveniently placed table and chairs at the front of my house. Note to self, must install a coffee machine.
Long Legs, instead of jumping out of the car, demanding the house keys to let himself in before a single second of X-Box time could be lost, stood there looking anywhere but in her direction. I called him over and introduced him and the little bugger did not look at her once and grunted a hello before scuttling past. She is a Doctor of autism and I could just see her thinking, yup, he's got eye-contact issues. And I was screaming in my head he doesn't have eye-contact issues EVER! Not even when we were trying to get someone to take us seriously when he was a toddler did he avoid eye-contact.
So into the house we toddled, the Short One said hello, and he actually is quite a shy kid so his greeting was fairly normal. But then! As I was showing her our back 'yard' which is usually a surprise and she was ooohing and ahhing at the jungle that is our garden, lo and bloody behold, the Short One is watering my plants on the verandah with his water bottle from school. I spot his shoes, or should I say I don't spot his shoes which are usually scattered somewhere between the kitchen floor and the living room floor. I notice his bag, which is usually firmly plopped in the middle of the kitchen floor whilst he has his face planted in his iPad, is in fact in its designated spot ready for the morning. Then I watch him wash his lunch bag up and put his lunchbox in the sink with all rubbish out of it. All without me having to say a single word of reminder.
The house remained silent for pretty much the rest of her visit, except for the obligatory punch-up over the X-Box controller when Long Legs decided to change from silent and moody to loud, stompy feet and moody. He later said to me when I asked him how did he think that had made me feel to which he replied that I was probably disappointed in him in a structural manner and I was probably feeling obnoxious towards him. Full marks for advanced vocabulary use and attempts at extended sentence structure my boy! Bravo.
The Short One will be appearing in his school musical later on this year. I would suggest that for anyone who wants to say 'I knew that famous actor when' to contact me for tickets. Long Legs has been approached by a pharmaceutical company to model for their new deodorant. It's going to be called 'Dark And Moody'. I'm assured it smells structurally obnoxious. Til tomorrow x
Once upon a time i.e. a few years ago when we were trying to get Long Leg's assessed and potentially diagnosed with something, anything to explain his behaviour, we used to have early intervention caseworkers and medical professionals conduct observations on him. During which time he would behave impeccably. They would always ask 'is this normal behaviour?' and my husband and I would yell quietly 'for the love of wine and chocolate, do you really think so?' And off they would go on their merry way saying he had behavioural issues and it was obviously a parenting thing.
Clearly, was I as savvy as I am now, I would have explained from the outset that that we had issues with him as a result of communication difficulties and socially inappropriate behaviour. These two phrases will give you a head start with any paediatrician which will wave a red flag at them. Instead I had started the ball rolling by visiting medical professionals simply saying we were having trouble with his 'behaviour'. The only thing that got waved was their bill at me on my way out of the door. Major 'durrr' moment.
I've heard many parents say the same thing as I have said myself, when we have gone into an appointment and we've willed our child on to be as vile as possible and have silently high-fived ourselves when they have obliged. Mummy's not going to look like a complete fruit-cake today who makes things up darling. Yay! So fast-forward several years. We have the diagnosis, now we want to make improvements in social behaviour and communication and with the right therapies, get our children to be as fully functioning as they can be.
Back to today. My University lecturer was coming to my house this afternoon as I am doing some work for her. She was at a local school so she said she'd pop around after. The Short One was due to be at AFL training and was gutted he would miss her so he asked me to take a selfie. Yeah, that was never gonna happen. But as it was she was running late so we arranged to meet up after his AFL. As we pulled up the drive she was sitting there in my very conveniently placed table and chairs at the front of my house. Note to self, must install a coffee machine.
Long Legs, instead of jumping out of the car, demanding the house keys to let himself in before a single second of X-Box time could be lost, stood there looking anywhere but in her direction. I called him over and introduced him and the little bugger did not look at her once and grunted a hello before scuttling past. She is a Doctor of autism and I could just see her thinking, yup, he's got eye-contact issues. And I was screaming in my head he doesn't have eye-contact issues EVER! Not even when we were trying to get someone to take us seriously when he was a toddler did he avoid eye-contact.
So into the house we toddled, the Short One said hello, and he actually is quite a shy kid so his greeting was fairly normal. But then! As I was showing her our back 'yard' which is usually a surprise and she was ooohing and ahhing at the jungle that is our garden, lo and bloody behold, the Short One is watering my plants on the verandah with his water bottle from school. I spot his shoes, or should I say I don't spot his shoes which are usually scattered somewhere between the kitchen floor and the living room floor. I notice his bag, which is usually firmly plopped in the middle of the kitchen floor whilst he has his face planted in his iPad, is in fact in its designated spot ready for the morning. Then I watch him wash his lunch bag up and put his lunchbox in the sink with all rubbish out of it. All without me having to say a single word of reminder.
The house remained silent for pretty much the rest of her visit, except for the obligatory punch-up over the X-Box controller when Long Legs decided to change from silent and moody to loud, stompy feet and moody. He later said to me when I asked him how did he think that had made me feel to which he replied that I was probably disappointed in him in a structural manner and I was probably feeling obnoxious towards him. Full marks for advanced vocabulary use and attempts at extended sentence structure my boy! Bravo.
The Short One will be appearing in his school musical later on this year. I would suggest that for anyone who wants to say 'I knew that famous actor when' to contact me for tickets. Long Legs has been approached by a pharmaceutical company to model for their new deodorant. It's going to be called 'Dark And Moody'. I'm assured it smells structurally obnoxious. Til tomorrow x
Tuesday, 19 May 2015
19th May - Death By Nigella...
Clearly my baking spree on Sunday was not enough for me. When I get in one of these frames of mind, there is not a pat of butter safe from my paws and the KitchenAid starts to do a booty shake in anticipation of the work out I will be giving it. The children stuff their little faces with my offerings and the husband declares me to be a 'not a bad housewife'. I feel virtuous for my home-baked, preservative free goodies. I just ignore the fact that the actual ingredients I use put weight on just by simply mentioning them.
Today, I got to use my new Nigella cookbook which was my present for Mother's Day. As it is Nigella, you can guarantee, I have not made a salad. Rather, chocolate rice pudding with lashings of cream and chocolate. Which the boys topped off with banoffe pie with a butter laden shortbread base. James Martin, whose cookbook was also in the firing line today, likes to use butter, butter and a bit more butter in his recipes. His shortbread lined the base of my banoffe pie. But before the sugar hit, the boys did have another of James' butter recipes with a little bit of potato and cheese and a load more cream in the form of a potato dauphinoise.
I am, of course, the sad person who makes all this stuff and then doesn't eat it because of that damn baby weight I've not been able to shift for - what 9 years??? Still, party on boys, it's back to fish fingers and chips and shop bought cheesecake when I get over my little cooking fit. Til tomorrow x
Today, I got to use my new Nigella cookbook which was my present for Mother's Day. As it is Nigella, you can guarantee, I have not made a salad. Rather, chocolate rice pudding with lashings of cream and chocolate. Which the boys topped off with banoffe pie with a butter laden shortbread base. James Martin, whose cookbook was also in the firing line today, likes to use butter, butter and a bit more butter in his recipes. His shortbread lined the base of my banoffe pie. But before the sugar hit, the boys did have another of James' butter recipes with a little bit of potato and cheese and a load more cream in the form of a potato dauphinoise.
I am, of course, the sad person who makes all this stuff and then doesn't eat it because of that damn baby weight I've not been able to shift for - what 9 years??? Still, party on boys, it's back to fish fingers and chips and shop bought cheesecake when I get over my little cooking fit. Til tomorrow x
18th May - Homework is EVIL
Homework in my opinion should be banned. Especially when it comes to
giving it to kids with ASD. I spent 2 hours
arguing/assisting/encouraging the Short One to do his homework
assignment over the weekend. It is a speaking task for later in the week which involves him first having to write his talk. The efforts so far have been
futile.
Because it is homework out of the usual format, he thinks he 'can't do it' so doesn't even try. Despite my best efforts to tell him he is more than capable, he erupts in tears and I pull my hair out with tweezers. Homework dramas are nothing new in this house. Today I have asked the Short One's teacher to help him with his because there truly is not enough patience in the saintliest of saints to help him when he parks that brain in a 'you will be clamped if you park here' spot in the car park of his head. He parks, he gets clamped and all the chocolate bribery in the world does not release that bugger! He has received a little bit of help with a suggestion that he does the rest at home. And big *sigh*. Til tomorrow (if I haven't put my head in the freezer that is!) x
Because it is homework out of the usual format, he thinks he 'can't do it' so doesn't even try. Despite my best efforts to tell him he is more than capable, he erupts in tears and I pull my hair out with tweezers. Homework dramas are nothing new in this house. Today I have asked the Short One's teacher to help him with his because there truly is not enough patience in the saintliest of saints to help him when he parks that brain in a 'you will be clamped if you park here' spot in the car park of his head. He parks, he gets clamped and all the chocolate bribery in the world does not release that bugger! He has received a little bit of help with a suggestion that he does the rest at home. And big *sigh*. Til tomorrow (if I haven't put my head in the freezer that is!) x
17th May - A day in FB land.
This has been my day according to my Facebook statuses!
Happy as a pig in shortbread and banana loaf. Having a baking afternoon so the boys actually have food that isn't in a packet in their lunch boxes this week. Listening to the Archers, possibly, cannot confirm, maybe having a glass of bubbles. It helps with the baking honest :D
Having a hot date with Patrick Swayze much to the disgust of my husband who wants the V8's on. Sorry baby, I make you banoffe pie, I get control of the TV :D
Til tomorrow x
Happy as a pig in shortbread and banana loaf. Having a baking afternoon so the boys actually have food that isn't in a packet in their lunch boxes this week. Listening to the Archers, possibly, cannot confirm, maybe having a glass of bubbles. It helps with the baking honest :D
Having a hot date with Patrick Swayze much to the disgust of my husband who wants the V8's on. Sorry baby, I make you banoffe pie, I get control of the TV :D
Til tomorrow x
Sunday, 17 May 2015
16th May - Do Rey Thor
I redeemed myself for the atrocity of last weekend's Mother's Day (according to others) when I dragged all my boys to see the Sound of Music at the cinema. I took them to see the film they really wanted to see on my Mother's Day - I mean how rude was I? So off we went to see the Avengers which for me at least several things were worth going for; Thor's right bicep, Thor's left bicep and Thor's chest.
I learned 2 things from seeing two very different films with my boys. First, my boys throw themselves around regardless of whether Julie Andrews is running around at the top of a mountain singing her little heart out or Thor is running around smashing robot's faces in and ripping their robot hearts out. Second, even with the action packed fun that was the Avengers, they still needed to eat a small buffet during the entire film. At least the Avengers was so loud the rustling of wrappers and constant eating couldn't be heard too much... Til tomorrow x
I learned 2 things from seeing two very different films with my boys. First, my boys throw themselves around regardless of whether Julie Andrews is running around at the top of a mountain singing her little heart out or Thor is running around smashing robot's faces in and ripping their robot hearts out. Second, even with the action packed fun that was the Avengers, they still needed to eat a small buffet during the entire film. At least the Avengers was so loud the rustling of wrappers and constant eating couldn't be heard too much... Til tomorrow x
15th May - The 'R' Word
I've had to wait a while to write 'today's' post because I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to say. Today Long Leg's ran in the District Cross Country competition - well I say run, he started off running and then about 400 meters in I saw him slow down significantly. He didn't stop and he hadn't run so fast that he'd burnt himself out but I suspected something had happened.
I waited for him at the finish line and when I counted the finishers past number 50 I knew something was up. Sure enough I saw him walking to the finish line with his classmate who had walked with him, whilst he held onto his thigh. He finished the course even though he was offered a golf buggy ride which he later regretted because he wanted to go in the buggy. His fellow runners couldn't believe where he'd come in the race because he had finished first in the school cross country. Thankfully, he wasn't disappointed in himself or upset. He certainly milked the leg strappings, ice packs and early departure from school.
Whilst we were leaving the cross country course, he totally out of the blue told me some boys in his class had called him the 'r' word. This is the very first time he had said something to me and when he elaborated and said it had been going on since last term I was gobsmacked. I asked him why he hadn't said anything and why he was telling me now? I of course gave him twenty questions about when they said it, why did they say it, where were they when he said it, what did he do when they said it etc etc.
He was so calm and collected I was amazed at the way he was telling me. He didn't look remotely upset and this confused me because it's such a nasty word and his self-esteem isn't that great. He told me it had started last term and that this term it had been getting increasingly worse so I presume it's now starting to bother him. In response to when it happens, he told me it's when he tries to approach them to chat or if he trips up or doesn't jump a skipping rope. He told me in his head he says 'well you're going to get far in life aren't you' but in reality he just walks away.
I am not at all sure if he is allowing it to bother him though as he told me that as this has been going on for several weeks he can now legitimately tell the teacher he is being bullied. If he had said something after the first time it had happened, it is not classed as bullying. Now they will be dealt with as bullies and at his school there is no tolerance of bullying.
I, meanwhile, am shaking my head in disbelief at what he's telling me and planning all the ways in my head I am going to make these boys face up to me and say that word to my face. I will then ask them if they know what the word means because I have a strict rule with my boys, if you don't know what a word means, don't use it. Then I will bamboozle them with my knowledge of French verbs, in particular Retarder which means to delay or make late. Hence the origin of the word and how some bright spark brought it into use to refer to individuals with a delayed rate of learning. And then I may randomly start reciting je retarde, tu retardes etc etc
I may also have moments when I am mentally smashing a bunch of 12 year old boys in the face, although I, of course, keep these thoughts to myself. To say these things out loud is not very p.c. I know, but I can guarantee all us ASD parents think these things when another child is mean to ours. But it's when we do more than 'think', there are potential problems. Naturally I won't go near these boys, I will leave the school to deal with this. If there is one thing I don't like more than children picking on other children, it's adults picking on children. I still get filled with anger when I think back to the times when adults approached Long Legs in front of me because of something he'd done to their child.
It is also fair to say that I am not raging because he does not appear to be upset. Otherwise, we all know what a mother is like when her child has been hurt by somebody else. What I am so impressed by is, not so much that he's not upset by the episodes, but that he is not being a victim. We have certainly tried to instil in him that he is in no way inferior to others and we always tell him the advantages of having ASD. I don't know when this level of resilience occurred in him, or if he just feels so secure in the school and that they will not tolerate this behaviour, that he knows he will not suffer for years and years on end at the hands of these boys.
I see other parents who enable their children to be victims because of their ASD and I want to scream at them. I think as parents it is so important that we protect our children and look out for them. But equally as important is letting them learn to protect themselves and teaching them not to be victims. Whilst they are younger and don't understand how their sensory systems affect them or the ways in which their socialisation skills need a bit of work, absolutely we need to give their teachers tips on what works for them to help them out and we march up to the school at a drop of hat the minute we hear about playground antics.
At the same time, they need tips on what to say in response to unkind words and being taught to walk away from a situation. We have been saying 'walk away' for years to Long Legs. It may have taken a long, long time for him to start doing it. But I can tell you all, the wait is so worth it if it means I know my boy can do it at the very start of his high school career. I have heard too many horror stories of teenagers with ASD being bullied. I like to spread positive words so I'm glad to be able to tell you this story as warped as that may sound. I wish nothing bad to these boys except a reality check about their words and actions. Til tomorrow x
I waited for him at the finish line and when I counted the finishers past number 50 I knew something was up. Sure enough I saw him walking to the finish line with his classmate who had walked with him, whilst he held onto his thigh. He finished the course even though he was offered a golf buggy ride which he later regretted because he wanted to go in the buggy. His fellow runners couldn't believe where he'd come in the race because he had finished first in the school cross country. Thankfully, he wasn't disappointed in himself or upset. He certainly milked the leg strappings, ice packs and early departure from school.
Whilst we were leaving the cross country course, he totally out of the blue told me some boys in his class had called him the 'r' word. This is the very first time he had said something to me and when he elaborated and said it had been going on since last term I was gobsmacked. I asked him why he hadn't said anything and why he was telling me now? I of course gave him twenty questions about when they said it, why did they say it, where were they when he said it, what did he do when they said it etc etc.
He was so calm and collected I was amazed at the way he was telling me. He didn't look remotely upset and this confused me because it's such a nasty word and his self-esteem isn't that great. He told me it had started last term and that this term it had been getting increasingly worse so I presume it's now starting to bother him. In response to when it happens, he told me it's when he tries to approach them to chat or if he trips up or doesn't jump a skipping rope. He told me in his head he says 'well you're going to get far in life aren't you' but in reality he just walks away.
I am not at all sure if he is allowing it to bother him though as he told me that as this has been going on for several weeks he can now legitimately tell the teacher he is being bullied. If he had said something after the first time it had happened, it is not classed as bullying. Now they will be dealt with as bullies and at his school there is no tolerance of bullying.
I, meanwhile, am shaking my head in disbelief at what he's telling me and planning all the ways in my head I am going to make these boys face up to me and say that word to my face. I will then ask them if they know what the word means because I have a strict rule with my boys, if you don't know what a word means, don't use it. Then I will bamboozle them with my knowledge of French verbs, in particular Retarder which means to delay or make late. Hence the origin of the word and how some bright spark brought it into use to refer to individuals with a delayed rate of learning. And then I may randomly start reciting je retarde, tu retardes etc etc
I may also have moments when I am mentally smashing a bunch of 12 year old boys in the face, although I, of course, keep these thoughts to myself. To say these things out loud is not very p.c. I know, but I can guarantee all us ASD parents think these things when another child is mean to ours. But it's when we do more than 'think', there are potential problems. Naturally I won't go near these boys, I will leave the school to deal with this. If there is one thing I don't like more than children picking on other children, it's adults picking on children. I still get filled with anger when I think back to the times when adults approached Long Legs in front of me because of something he'd done to their child.
It is also fair to say that I am not raging because he does not appear to be upset. Otherwise, we all know what a mother is like when her child has been hurt by somebody else. What I am so impressed by is, not so much that he's not upset by the episodes, but that he is not being a victim. We have certainly tried to instil in him that he is in no way inferior to others and we always tell him the advantages of having ASD. I don't know when this level of resilience occurred in him, or if he just feels so secure in the school and that they will not tolerate this behaviour, that he knows he will not suffer for years and years on end at the hands of these boys.
I see other parents who enable their children to be victims because of their ASD and I want to scream at them. I think as parents it is so important that we protect our children and look out for them. But equally as important is letting them learn to protect themselves and teaching them not to be victims. Whilst they are younger and don't understand how their sensory systems affect them or the ways in which their socialisation skills need a bit of work, absolutely we need to give their teachers tips on what works for them to help them out and we march up to the school at a drop of hat the minute we hear about playground antics.
At the same time, they need tips on what to say in response to unkind words and being taught to walk away from a situation. We have been saying 'walk away' for years to Long Legs. It may have taken a long, long time for him to start doing it. But I can tell you all, the wait is so worth it if it means I know my boy can do it at the very start of his high school career. I have heard too many horror stories of teenagers with ASD being bullied. I like to spread positive words so I'm glad to be able to tell you this story as warped as that may sound. I wish nothing bad to these boys except a reality check about their words and actions. Til tomorrow x
Friday, 15 May 2015
14th May - Er, no.
'Mummy, can I have those cars?'
'What cars?'
'The ones in the box.'
'No.'
'But they're only the little ones.'
'No.'
'But they are ok to play with.'
'No.'
'But they're not the precious ones.'
'No.'
'But Mummy, please, I won't break them.'
'No.'
'I only want to...'
'No.'
'You're so unfair.'
Later that day...
'Daddy, can I have the little Red Bull cars.'
'No.'
'But they're not the ones on stands, they're only in boxes.'
'No.'
'Pleeeeeeassseee Daddy.'
'Alright then, but if you break them...'
Meanwhile, Mum is downstairs with supersonic hearing.
'I SAID NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'
'Mum says no.'
'You're both so mean. You're the worst parents ever.' Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Yeah... Til tomorrow x
'What cars?'
'The ones in the box.'
'No.'
'But they're only the little ones.'
'No.'
'But they are ok to play with.'
'No.'
'But they're not the precious ones.'
'No.'
'But Mummy, please, I won't break them.'
'No.'
'I only want to...'
'No.'
'You're so unfair.'
Later that day...
'Daddy, can I have the little Red Bull cars.'
'No.'
'But they're not the ones on stands, they're only in boxes.'
'No.'
'Pleeeeeeassseee Daddy.'
'Alright then, but if you break them...'
Meanwhile, Mum is downstairs with supersonic hearing.
'I SAID NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'
'Mum says no.'
'You're both so mean. You're the worst parents ever.' Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Yeah... Til tomorrow x
Thursday, 14 May 2015
13th May - Lord Long Legs
So I posted an article on my page earlier about the American family who got kicked off a flight with their daughter who has ASD. I have since seen various comments and blogs which have written about this story. The way in which the facts have been distorted and incorrect meanings inferred from the mother's original Facebook post, has astounded me. I don't usually have my hackles raised as much as I have reading some of the comments that have been written in reply to the story. Basically the daughter has been called a spoiled brat and the mother all the names under the sun for threatening to unleash her daughter who would scratch the entire cabin full of passengers if she didn't get what she wanted. Bonkers!
I, however, know that the people who write these obnoxious, ignorant comments don't want to understand the reality of autism and don't want to be educated and we could all talk until we are blue in the face trying to make them see that what happened to this family, could easily happen to any of us who travel with ASD kids. If the original post and the article I have attached is read properly, you can read for yourselves what actually happened.
We have flown many times with the boys since they were both very young. There is not, I suspect, one single parent who travels with a child with ASD without a survival back-pack and without preparing for every eventuality we can foresee. We have been very lucky on a recent trip to and from the UK with the help and assistance we were given by the cabin crew on Etihad Airways. We were flying in an emergency on our outbound flight and even if I had wanted to (which I wouldn't have, because the hassle sometimes is not worth it) alert them that we needed special assistance, we had no time. There are some eventualities us parents cannot prepare for but you can be damn sure, we do our best.
This mother, from what I read, had tried to be prepared for her flight with her daughter. This mother knew her daughter reacted without food and only ate hot food so she tried to feed her at the airport. The daughter wouldn't eat what she was offered and this is not the result of her being a brat. There was something in the airport food that turned her off and when that happens there is no point trying to force it down. I get this. Long Legs without food would make the Incredible Hulk look like a Teletubbie. Long Legs has a great appetite, as everyone who knows him will attest. So when I give him something and he says 'nup, can't eat it', I know he genuinely cannot eat it for reasons best known to himself. I also know Daddy is getting leftovers for lunch the next day.
Again, this mother prepared for her daughter needing food and carried a back-pack of snacks and again, the daughter didn't want them. Something in her sensory system said she needed hot food and that was all there was to it. Again, I get that. The Short One has a thing for hot food, even going so far as to put an apple that had come out of the fridge into the microwave to warm it up! He will only eat raw vegetables so this can be interesting if I don't leave them out to 'warm up' to room temperature at least. I read a comment that the mother should carry a thermos with hot food in, if this is what her daughter requires and the mother knows it. Good in theory, I will grant you. But as anyone who flies knows, they are very strict about how much liquid you can carry on a plane, to the point that they tip out babies formula if they feel the need.
On our return flight back to Australia, we had decided to use some phenergan as Long Legs does not sleep and when he does not sleep he is very fidgety without his concerta. We have flown with him a few years ago on our way back from France when he was not medicated. Wasn't pretty. The poor man sitting next to him had Long Legs whack him gently with his knee pretty much all the way to Dubai. He was incredibly patient but inside was probably screaming at him to stop. He could have moved, I will point out, there was room. Long Legs had just come off of the medicine he took to help him sleep and had only just started on ritalin. I had no intention of drugging my son up for 26 hours on ritalin so we learned that in the absence of his meds, he has to be asleep!
Thus on our recent flight, once he had taken a phenergan, he was out cold. He slept for hours and hours through several meal services and even though my husband had grabbed out the snacks which he could eat later. We always fly with a back-pack full of snacks too but can they sustain and feed a child in place of a proper meal? I don't think so. If Long Legs does not eat, he becomes very agitated. This mother knew her daughter needed to eat otherwise she would become agitated and would start scratching herself and her parents. At no point in her post have I read that she said her daughter would scratch other passengers.
She had used up plan a, plan b and plan c and now she needed help because she knew what would happen. Had Long Legs not eaten, the seat would have rocked back and forth in agitation and there would not have been a thing we could have done. My husband very kindly asked a passing attendant if there was anything for him to eat. Just as this mother had done when she knew her daughter needed food. Now granted, Long Legs would probably have eaten the cardboard container his child's meal came in at this point. This young girl couldn't eat what was offered to her, but again, she was not being a brat. The needs of all kids with ASD are different.
We watched in amazement as a First Class tray appeared; pastries, a fruit platter, cheese, biscuits, and proper cutlery! Then he was asked if he would like a drink and requested a cappuccino. The attendant said ok. I snorted my 'I don't think so' snort. I passed out cold (2 phenergan for me) and I woke up to find more First Class meal trays (he was starving) and was told he had had more than one cappuccino. Blonde hair and a winning smile will get you everywhere with a flight attendant it would seem. I'm surprised they didn't just upgrade him whilst we were sparko!
Again, we didn't specifically ask for First Class food , we just asked for some food, but if they had said, 'we don't have any he will have to wait until the next meal service', I can assure you, we would have been asking for the Captains lunch-box! This poor mother was simply doing the same thing, chasing down every option so her daughter could eat. She was not being a Prima Donna demanding First Class food because that is all her daughter would eat. Her daughter just needed food.
Meanwhile, if you see a mother making her sons run up and down the travelators at an airport, it will probably be me making my boys get some exercise before our connecting flight. Being prepared for them being contained in a small space for several hours. I work with what I can. Til tomorrow x
http://happyplace.someecards.com/autism/you-wont-believe-why-this-autistic-girl-and-her-parents-were-kicked-off-an-airplane/
I, however, know that the people who write these obnoxious, ignorant comments don't want to understand the reality of autism and don't want to be educated and we could all talk until we are blue in the face trying to make them see that what happened to this family, could easily happen to any of us who travel with ASD kids. If the original post and the article I have attached is read properly, you can read for yourselves what actually happened.
We have flown many times with the boys since they were both very young. There is not, I suspect, one single parent who travels with a child with ASD without a survival back-pack and without preparing for every eventuality we can foresee. We have been very lucky on a recent trip to and from the UK with the help and assistance we were given by the cabin crew on Etihad Airways. We were flying in an emergency on our outbound flight and even if I had wanted to (which I wouldn't have, because the hassle sometimes is not worth it) alert them that we needed special assistance, we had no time. There are some eventualities us parents cannot prepare for but you can be damn sure, we do our best.
This mother, from what I read, had tried to be prepared for her flight with her daughter. This mother knew her daughter reacted without food and only ate hot food so she tried to feed her at the airport. The daughter wouldn't eat what she was offered and this is not the result of her being a brat. There was something in the airport food that turned her off and when that happens there is no point trying to force it down. I get this. Long Legs without food would make the Incredible Hulk look like a Teletubbie. Long Legs has a great appetite, as everyone who knows him will attest. So when I give him something and he says 'nup, can't eat it', I know he genuinely cannot eat it for reasons best known to himself. I also know Daddy is getting leftovers for lunch the next day.
Again, this mother prepared for her daughter needing food and carried a back-pack of snacks and again, the daughter didn't want them. Something in her sensory system said she needed hot food and that was all there was to it. Again, I get that. The Short One has a thing for hot food, even going so far as to put an apple that had come out of the fridge into the microwave to warm it up! He will only eat raw vegetables so this can be interesting if I don't leave them out to 'warm up' to room temperature at least. I read a comment that the mother should carry a thermos with hot food in, if this is what her daughter requires and the mother knows it. Good in theory, I will grant you. But as anyone who flies knows, they are very strict about how much liquid you can carry on a plane, to the point that they tip out babies formula if they feel the need.
On our return flight back to Australia, we had decided to use some phenergan as Long Legs does not sleep and when he does not sleep he is very fidgety without his concerta. We have flown with him a few years ago on our way back from France when he was not medicated. Wasn't pretty. The poor man sitting next to him had Long Legs whack him gently with his knee pretty much all the way to Dubai. He was incredibly patient but inside was probably screaming at him to stop. He could have moved, I will point out, there was room. Long Legs had just come off of the medicine he took to help him sleep and had only just started on ritalin. I had no intention of drugging my son up for 26 hours on ritalin so we learned that in the absence of his meds, he has to be asleep!
Thus on our recent flight, once he had taken a phenergan, he was out cold. He slept for hours and hours through several meal services and even though my husband had grabbed out the snacks which he could eat later. We always fly with a back-pack full of snacks too but can they sustain and feed a child in place of a proper meal? I don't think so. If Long Legs does not eat, he becomes very agitated. This mother knew her daughter needed to eat otherwise she would become agitated and would start scratching herself and her parents. At no point in her post have I read that she said her daughter would scratch other passengers.
She had used up plan a, plan b and plan c and now she needed help because she knew what would happen. Had Long Legs not eaten, the seat would have rocked back and forth in agitation and there would not have been a thing we could have done. My husband very kindly asked a passing attendant if there was anything for him to eat. Just as this mother had done when she knew her daughter needed food. Now granted, Long Legs would probably have eaten the cardboard container his child's meal came in at this point. This young girl couldn't eat what was offered to her, but again, she was not being a brat. The needs of all kids with ASD are different.
We watched in amazement as a First Class tray appeared; pastries, a fruit platter, cheese, biscuits, and proper cutlery! Then he was asked if he would like a drink and requested a cappuccino. The attendant said ok. I snorted my 'I don't think so' snort. I passed out cold (2 phenergan for me) and I woke up to find more First Class meal trays (he was starving) and was told he had had more than one cappuccino. Blonde hair and a winning smile will get you everywhere with a flight attendant it would seem. I'm surprised they didn't just upgrade him whilst we were sparko!
Again, we didn't specifically ask for First Class food , we just asked for some food, but if they had said, 'we don't have any he will have to wait until the next meal service', I can assure you, we would have been asking for the Captains lunch-box! This poor mother was simply doing the same thing, chasing down every option so her daughter could eat. She was not being a Prima Donna demanding First Class food because that is all her daughter would eat. Her daughter just needed food.
Meanwhile, if you see a mother making her sons run up and down the travelators at an airport, it will probably be me making my boys get some exercise before our connecting flight. Being prepared for them being contained in a small space for several hours. I work with what I can. Til tomorrow x
http://happyplace.someecards.com/autism/you-wont-believe-why-this-autistic-girl-and-her-parents-were-kicked-off-an-airplane/
12th May - Empowerment Begins
Today I helped a family, the first one I've helped who I have never met before, on the road to getting their son an ASD assessment and possibly a diagnosis. It was pretty clear to me, given the characteristics the mum described, that there was enough there to warrant a full assessment. In the past she has been told he cannot be ASD because he uses eye-contact. A speech pathologist's observation was that he didn't have ASD because he had good language, although she noted that he talked excessively fast. A paediatrician said his motor clumsiness was due to a ligament disorder only. Another paediatrician said there was nothing to warrant a full investigation.
Thankfully, this boy's new special education teacher is a Uni pal/fellow parent friend of mine and being good at her job and knowing what she's doing, she sent this family my way to put them on the right track. They have a good GP who organised the speech and OT observations and who has tried to help them. They have since seen another paediatrician, my boys' paediatrician whom we've been seeing for nearly 6 years and we love. He couldn't understand that if the GP has questioned the possibility of ASD, why hasn't he been assessed. Unfortunately, he was seeing the boy for another issue and the family didn't know enough to ask him for help.
Naturally, I have told them to go back and see him once all the various assessments I have sent them for, get done. These are full assessments, not just observations. But my point about all of this is that, professionals, even those who work in the field of ASD, sometimes talk plop! I heard about another psychologist who refused to diagnose a child with ASD because they were too social! My boys are very social. Are they very good at it? No! They try, bless them, but they don't always get it right. And that is the essential quality of ASD. A child may try to communicate or socialise and may do it a lot. But if they can't do it well, then you have reason to be concerned. And the thought that a child only has ASD if they don't use eye-contact belongs in the ground with the fossil spouting such rubbish.
This young boy I saw, eyed me up and down, very wary of me. His Mum was trying to get him to come to me so I could check him out and I told her not to fret, he'd come over in his own time. When he did, it wasn't to talk to me but to show his Mum the books he wanted to borrow from the library we were in. I used a trick I've learned off Tony Attwood when he's bumped into Long Legs on various occasions. That is to see what the child is looking at and engage with them on it. This boy had books on Star Wars and war ships and I took on a member of Hi-5's persona and with over the top animation said Wow! Later on he came up behind me and handed me a crumpled up piece of paper which had his name and age on it. He finished the session off by telling his Mum 'can you hurry up and stop talking because she's (that's me!) annoying me now, she talks too much!' We were in the middle of a library. I didn't care. I still had his little note and I was feeling the love. Til tomorrow x
Thankfully, this boy's new special education teacher is a Uni pal/fellow parent friend of mine and being good at her job and knowing what she's doing, she sent this family my way to put them on the right track. They have a good GP who organised the speech and OT observations and who has tried to help them. They have since seen another paediatrician, my boys' paediatrician whom we've been seeing for nearly 6 years and we love. He couldn't understand that if the GP has questioned the possibility of ASD, why hasn't he been assessed. Unfortunately, he was seeing the boy for another issue and the family didn't know enough to ask him for help.
Naturally, I have told them to go back and see him once all the various assessments I have sent them for, get done. These are full assessments, not just observations. But my point about all of this is that, professionals, even those who work in the field of ASD, sometimes talk plop! I heard about another psychologist who refused to diagnose a child with ASD because they were too social! My boys are very social. Are they very good at it? No! They try, bless them, but they don't always get it right. And that is the essential quality of ASD. A child may try to communicate or socialise and may do it a lot. But if they can't do it well, then you have reason to be concerned. And the thought that a child only has ASD if they don't use eye-contact belongs in the ground with the fossil spouting such rubbish.
This young boy I saw, eyed me up and down, very wary of me. His Mum was trying to get him to come to me so I could check him out and I told her not to fret, he'd come over in his own time. When he did, it wasn't to talk to me but to show his Mum the books he wanted to borrow from the library we were in. I used a trick I've learned off Tony Attwood when he's bumped into Long Legs on various occasions. That is to see what the child is looking at and engage with them on it. This boy had books on Star Wars and war ships and I took on a member of Hi-5's persona and with over the top animation said Wow! Later on he came up behind me and handed me a crumpled up piece of paper which had his name and age on it. He finished the session off by telling his Mum 'can you hurry up and stop talking because she's (that's me!) annoying me now, she talks too much!' We were in the middle of a library. I didn't care. I still had his little note and I was feeling the love. Til tomorrow x
Tuesday, 12 May 2015
11th May - Working Girl
My boys had looks of pure horror on their faces this morning. They asked if they could have the day off because they were 'ill'! I said no. That wasn't the cause of the look of horror. This was due to the fact I said no...because I have to work! Work? Where? Do you have a job? Who's going to pick us up? What if you are late and can't get us from school? And so the Spanish inquisition went on. Can you imagine their faces if I told them that technically I was doing two jobs.
They were both joyful when they walked in the front door, both asking me how work was and did I have a good day? Then they looked at my pile of paperwork and were agog. The Short One has since informed me that he doesn't want me to have a job. I asked him why did he think I had gone back to university? He replied that he thought I had just done it to learn, not get a job! Despite me telling him lots of Mums work he has declared that he doesn't want me to work because he doesn't want me to busy when I should be with him.
I happened to mention that I was actually going to get paid for some of the work I do. They soon changed their faces from horror to raised eyebrows of expectation! I can already feel my money burning holes in their pockets! Til tomorrow x
They were both joyful when they walked in the front door, both asking me how work was and did I have a good day? Then they looked at my pile of paperwork and were agog. The Short One has since informed me that he doesn't want me to have a job. I asked him why did he think I had gone back to university? He replied that he thought I had just done it to learn, not get a job! Despite me telling him lots of Mums work he has declared that he doesn't want me to work because he doesn't want me to busy when I should be with him.
I happened to mention that I was actually going to get paid for some of the work I do. They soon changed their faces from horror to raised eyebrows of expectation! I can already feel my money burning holes in their pockets! Til tomorrow x
Monday, 11 May 2015
10th May - Happy Mother's Day!
Today was Mother's Day here in Australia which kicked off in spectacular style with Long Legs shouting down the X-Box at his friend whilst they played a racing car game at 6.30am! I, at this point, had forgotten what day it was but thankfully the husband hadn't and up he jumped. I slept a couple of hours longer until Long Legs came down and shook my bed. I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. He made a pretend fart noise. Eyes were tight. He made some other kind of noises and then gave up and left.
I heard the husband ask if he'd come down to Mummy and woken her up and heard his shocked reply of 'noooooooooo' with a tone of 'as if I would do such a thing Daddy'! The Short One appeared shortly after, I opened one eye, looked at him, looked at the clock and decided to give up this pretending to be asleep business. I was prepared to let the fun begin. I am yet to be the type of mother who has her children make her breakfast in bed by their own hands so I take what they can give me! I actually can't wait for the day I get cold, burnt toast and a milky, cold cup of coffee.
The Short One had insisted on writing a list of things I would like, which were then given to me with a few surprises and he was effusive with love on a card. I knew I'd be able to cash in on the 'Mother's Day chips' with him and asked for some more milk for my coffee which I was having in bed. Long Legs drew me a picture which I'll take as a sign of his love and then he cleared off back to his X-Box!
I did later insist on Long Legs making me a fried egg for brunch. He asked a couple of weeks ago if he could cook himself egg on toast. After my initial knee-jerk reaction - you near hot flames - are you kidding me!? I decided yes, ok. About time you learned to cook something so if I drop dead tonight I know you will at least not starve and can live on egg on toast for the rest of your life. So today I tried to plant the seed of what he can do for his mother as a future treat.
I did, however, rather foolishly during a discussion about the whole point of Mother's Day (after being asked to do things for them that they are quite capable of doing for themselves at the best of times, never mind on a day when they should be doing things for me) suggest ways in which they could do things for me. The Short One burst into tears because he'd asked to make me toast and Daddy had said no. Husband does not remember this event occurring. I said, it's ok you can make me some another day. To which he replied, no, I could only do it today, it's only a special day once. Fair enough. Note to husband, next year get Long Legs to make me an egg and get the Short One to make the toast!
I also insisted that I did not have a solo trip to the cinema again, after my husband suggested such a thing, when I said The Sound Of Music was showing as a special 50th anniversary Mother's Day screening. Nope, I said, you are all coming with me! This was perhaps not such a wise move after all. This is a long film, something you don't perhaps notice at home when children can eat when they want and move about. However, when there are lots of quiet, serious moments and your children insist on eating the whole way through the film, you tend to get a bit stressed at the sound of crunching and packet rustling and chair rocking. The husband tried on his shades just before the film started 'just in case the lights got too bright'. I'm very proud of him as he only in fact missed about 5 minutes when the lights 'got too bright'.
Having a birthday so close to Mother's Day is that the husband gets a bit worn out with all the pampering. I had to run my own bath tonight and I don't think he'd even noticed as he was too busy watching the F1 on TV. But at least this is it now. My two special days of the year goneski. Now we can get back to normal :) Til tomorrow x
I heard the husband ask if he'd come down to Mummy and woken her up and heard his shocked reply of 'noooooooooo' with a tone of 'as if I would do such a thing Daddy'! The Short One appeared shortly after, I opened one eye, looked at him, looked at the clock and decided to give up this pretending to be asleep business. I was prepared to let the fun begin. I am yet to be the type of mother who has her children make her breakfast in bed by their own hands so I take what they can give me! I actually can't wait for the day I get cold, burnt toast and a milky, cold cup of coffee.
The Short One had insisted on writing a list of things I would like, which were then given to me with a few surprises and he was effusive with love on a card. I knew I'd be able to cash in on the 'Mother's Day chips' with him and asked for some more milk for my coffee which I was having in bed. Long Legs drew me a picture which I'll take as a sign of his love and then he cleared off back to his X-Box!
I did later insist on Long Legs making me a fried egg for brunch. He asked a couple of weeks ago if he could cook himself egg on toast. After my initial knee-jerk reaction - you near hot flames - are you kidding me!? I decided yes, ok. About time you learned to cook something so if I drop dead tonight I know you will at least not starve and can live on egg on toast for the rest of your life. So today I tried to plant the seed of what he can do for his mother as a future treat.
I did, however, rather foolishly during a discussion about the whole point of Mother's Day (after being asked to do things for them that they are quite capable of doing for themselves at the best of times, never mind on a day when they should be doing things for me) suggest ways in which they could do things for me. The Short One burst into tears because he'd asked to make me toast and Daddy had said no. Husband does not remember this event occurring. I said, it's ok you can make me some another day. To which he replied, no, I could only do it today, it's only a special day once. Fair enough. Note to husband, next year get Long Legs to make me an egg and get the Short One to make the toast!
I also insisted that I did not have a solo trip to the cinema again, after my husband suggested such a thing, when I said The Sound Of Music was showing as a special 50th anniversary Mother's Day screening. Nope, I said, you are all coming with me! This was perhaps not such a wise move after all. This is a long film, something you don't perhaps notice at home when children can eat when they want and move about. However, when there are lots of quiet, serious moments and your children insist on eating the whole way through the film, you tend to get a bit stressed at the sound of crunching and packet rustling and chair rocking. The husband tried on his shades just before the film started 'just in case the lights got too bright'. I'm very proud of him as he only in fact missed about 5 minutes when the lights 'got too bright'.
Having a birthday so close to Mother's Day is that the husband gets a bit worn out with all the pampering. I had to run my own bath tonight and I don't think he'd even noticed as he was too busy watching the F1 on TV. But at least this is it now. My two special days of the year goneski. Now we can get back to normal :) Til tomorrow x
9th May - Post Birthday Blues
So the problem for me with trying to celebrate your birthday like a grown up - i.e. stay up past usual bedtime, eat and drink too much and expecting children to go to bed quietly so you can watch a film from start to finish, is that it ends in tears. Every year on my birthday, Long Legs plays up something chronic. He is not a child who reacts to changes in routine as much as he did when he was a toddler but my husband's attempts to lavish attention on me are just too much for him. I'm hoping for any future love interest of his, that I can subtlety indoctrine into him the fuss and attention us girls love and deserve!
The Short One had his moments too, just to ensure he wasn't left out. Husband ran me a beautiful, candle-lit, oil infused bath which the Short One insisted he got into with me. He practically screamed that he had to get in with me. But first he had to blow out the candles because he was scared of the dark. Then, despite me telling him bath was filled with oils, he insisted he would be fine, only to remark that he 'didn't think it would as slippy as I said'.
Husband meanwhile is also running around making me a curry, with home-made bread (his speciality) and I am slowly losing the will to live, never mind celebrate my birthday! I had gone to the cinema earlier that day on my own (I just presumed all my friends would be working only for several of them to tell me off for not inviting them), anyhow, I felt like a bit of a sad-sack being at the cinema on my own. But at the moment when a child invades your bath, blows out your candles and your other child is heard screaming because he resisting going to his bedroom, you tend to remember those moments of being alone rather fondly. Off topic, I went to see Pitch Perfect 2 and the rival vocal group were called Das Sound Machine - or DSM for short - wasn't meant as a joke but us ASD parents get it?!
So we soldiered on, we ended up eating late, my husband kept trying to fill my glass with bubbles only to find it still full - a child sharing your bath tends to take the moment away. We put on a film only for one child or other to keep coming upstairs for something. Finally, we attempted to put them to sleep so we could watch this blasted film and something sounding like a bomb going off kept occurring, it was just Long Legs letting his feelings be known that he was not impressed that Daddy was trying to give me special attention. I kept my cool and kept going in to him and tried very patiently to get him to see sense. Eventually he did.
However, this morning, with an early OT appointment for the Short One which I have said I will take him to, I am extremely tired and am not feeling like somebody who was given a special, relaxing birthday evening. Tomorrow we get to enjoy all this fun over again when theoretically I get a special day for Mother's Day! Can't wait... Til tomorrow x
ps OT costs going in the yearly total!
The Short One had his moments too, just to ensure he wasn't left out. Husband ran me a beautiful, candle-lit, oil infused bath which the Short One insisted he got into with me. He practically screamed that he had to get in with me. But first he had to blow out the candles because he was scared of the dark. Then, despite me telling him bath was filled with oils, he insisted he would be fine, only to remark that he 'didn't think it would as slippy as I said'.
Husband meanwhile is also running around making me a curry, with home-made bread (his speciality) and I am slowly losing the will to live, never mind celebrate my birthday! I had gone to the cinema earlier that day on my own (I just presumed all my friends would be working only for several of them to tell me off for not inviting them), anyhow, I felt like a bit of a sad-sack being at the cinema on my own. But at the moment when a child invades your bath, blows out your candles and your other child is heard screaming because he resisting going to his bedroom, you tend to remember those moments of being alone rather fondly. Off topic, I went to see Pitch Perfect 2 and the rival vocal group were called Das Sound Machine - or DSM for short - wasn't meant as a joke but us ASD parents get it?!
So we soldiered on, we ended up eating late, my husband kept trying to fill my glass with bubbles only to find it still full - a child sharing your bath tends to take the moment away. We put on a film only for one child or other to keep coming upstairs for something. Finally, we attempted to put them to sleep so we could watch this blasted film and something sounding like a bomb going off kept occurring, it was just Long Legs letting his feelings be known that he was not impressed that Daddy was trying to give me special attention. I kept my cool and kept going in to him and tried very patiently to get him to see sense. Eventually he did.
However, this morning, with an early OT appointment for the Short One which I have said I will take him to, I am extremely tired and am not feeling like somebody who was given a special, relaxing birthday evening. Tomorrow we get to enjoy all this fun over again when theoretically I get a special day for Mother's Day! Can't wait... Til tomorrow x
ps OT costs going in the yearly total!
Friday, 8 May 2015
8th May - 32 Today (in my head anyway)!
A mother with school aged children does not have birthdays - she has a day on which she was born! For me, this morning involved having to wake up earlier than usual so that the one who gave birth to me could have her morning Facebook chat with me. Our usual time slot was taken up with having to go to school earlier to take the Short One to his first school musical rehearsal.
The husband served me my usual morning coffee but with a smile instead of the usual 'take this cup off me quick I have to go to work' look. And Long Legs did not give me my usual grunt but I in fact got a cuddle and card and a very polite request to play the X-Box before school as it was my birthday ha ha! Errrr that will be a no cos we have to go to bloody school early!!!
My mother had sent the boys some comics in my birthday parcel so whilst opening my presents I was rather unceremoniously shot in the eye by a Spiderman shooter toy. The Short One burst into tears and I tried to keep him calm whilst checking the eyeball was still in place. At least some things never change eh?
The usual morning rants ensued 'why are you playing Lego and not putting your shoes on?', 'why are your glasses in the middle of the Lego and not in your bag?' etc etc. We got in the car to see that the petrol gauge was on 'if you get out and push me we'll get to school just about'. Then I came home and my resolve not to do any washing today failed miserably within minutes and by 8.15 I was taking one load off the line and putting another load back on.
I cleaned up the usual morning detritus of the boys' breakfast. I then noticed the husband had left a medicine bottle - empty - on the chopping board as a message to me that we needed more. So I made myself another pot of coffee and decided to make the best of the day on which I was born!
Not that I am complaining. Long Legs made several paper planes and gave me a detailed run down of what an RAF Concorde would look like. I just had to kiss him. The Short One came home telling me his part in the pirate musical is as the ship's barber/doctor. If he doesn't cut hair, apparently he cuts parts of bodies off that are sick. And I got to make my own birthday cake with a cup of tea and chat with the mother whilst discussing UK politics. It's Friday. It's my birthday. Time to just dance! Til tomorrow x
The husband served me my usual morning coffee but with a smile instead of the usual 'take this cup off me quick I have to go to work' look. And Long Legs did not give me my usual grunt but I in fact got a cuddle and card and a very polite request to play the X-Box before school as it was my birthday ha ha! Errrr that will be a no cos we have to go to bloody school early!!!
My mother had sent the boys some comics in my birthday parcel so whilst opening my presents I was rather unceremoniously shot in the eye by a Spiderman shooter toy. The Short One burst into tears and I tried to keep him calm whilst checking the eyeball was still in place. At least some things never change eh?
The usual morning rants ensued 'why are you playing Lego and not putting your shoes on?', 'why are your glasses in the middle of the Lego and not in your bag?' etc etc. We got in the car to see that the petrol gauge was on 'if you get out and push me we'll get to school just about'. Then I came home and my resolve not to do any washing today failed miserably within minutes and by 8.15 I was taking one load off the line and putting another load back on.
I cleaned up the usual morning detritus of the boys' breakfast. I then noticed the husband had left a medicine bottle - empty - on the chopping board as a message to me that we needed more. So I made myself another pot of coffee and decided to make the best of the day on which I was born!
6th-7th May - Dirty Washing!
When I said normal business would be resumed after I'd emerged from the bottom of the piles of washing I had to do, I was not joking! I have literally spent 2 days washing, ironing, washing, not so much ironing - a girl can have too much of a good thing! The red dirt from the Red Centre literally gets everywhere... I even washed 6 pairs of shoes. I am yet to put away the clean stuff but gotta leave myself some fun for tomorrow right?
Wednesday, 6 May 2015
1st - 5th May 2015 M.I.A. somewhere in Australia
Saturday, 2 May 2015
April 30th 2015 - The Story of the 3.5 Bears
Tomorrow we are going on a mini trip to the Outback so as the female of the house, I have spent my day packing for it and organising us. We have a scene in our house at the moment similar to something out of Goldilocks but with a twist. Daddy Bear will be going away with an itsy bitsy little suitcase. Baby Bears will be sharing a medium sized suitcase. And Mummy Bear has a enormously, huge sucker of a case all to herself! In anticipation of the horrified expression the husband will display when he comes home to see the 3 cases lined up ready to go in the car and the inevitable questions he will then fire at me. Yes I do need three changes of clothes a day. Yes I do need to take all those shoes. No you cannot put your wash-bag in my case because yours is full. No I cannot put the kids tennis rackets and swimmers in my bag. Yes we are only going for 5 days. :D Til tomorrow x
Wednesday, 29 April 2015
April 29th 2015 - #istandformercy
I went to bed last night feeling sick. I woke up feeling sick. No doubt for the rest of today I will continue to feel sick. I know I'm a sensitive soul but really I'm just human. My post today is not about ASD but about the reasons I write about autism awareness, acceptance and understanding. Because I want all children with ASD to live in a humane, kind and fair world. Sadly, the events in Bali overnight epitomise the inhumanity, unkindess and unfairness that exisits in our world. The barbaric method in which the Bali 9 duo were sent to their deaths (along with their fellow inmates) is considered cruel when we talk about death by firing squad in war torn Nazi Germany. How can it still have a place on this planet in 2015?
Now don't get me wrong, I have no time for drug smugglers, drug dealers or indeed drug users. These are crimes that deserve appropriate consequences. Killing two men who have spent the past 10 years considering their crimes and making amends is not an appropriate consequence. Indonesia did not end the lives of two evil drug smugglers. They killed two rehabilitated offenders. The whole ethos of a successful prison system is to rehabilitate those who can be and to keep locked up those who cannot. The Bali 9 duo do not appear to have been born evil. As young men, they did something they knew was a crime but they did it out of stupidity. They needed to learn their lesson and they did.
There once was man named Nelson Mandela who, during the 1960's could have been sent to his death for the bombing of government buildings, amongst other crimes. The South African government were perfectly within their legal system's right to have executed him. But they chose to prove a point and show they were not the evil ones. The South African government finally stopped seeing things so black and white (not intended as a pun) and saw the bigger picture. Imagine if the name Nelson Mandela was just a name in South African history as one of many black activists who was killed for his crimes?
I truly believe the Bali 9 duo could have done so much more to help other convicted drug smugglers see the error of their ways and be a positive role model for what these people could become if they wanted to. Will other potential young drug smugglers see what has happened and say 'oh cripes, better not do that then?' I don't think they will. I think without a positive role model who has been there, done that, who can tell them the realities, they will simply think, they got caught, they were unlucky, I won't be caught. Until they are...
In a week when thousands of people have died in Nepal, did Indonesia really need to add to the weekly world death toll? I understand the new Indonesian President was trying to make his position clear; he will not tolerate drugs in his country. Sadly, the Indonesian President has not seen the bigger picture. He just wanted to make his point. I believe you made a point Mr President. But I don't believe it was the point you were trying to make. #IStandForMercy
Now don't get me wrong, I have no time for drug smugglers, drug dealers or indeed drug users. These are crimes that deserve appropriate consequences. Killing two men who have spent the past 10 years considering their crimes and making amends is not an appropriate consequence. Indonesia did not end the lives of two evil drug smugglers. They killed two rehabilitated offenders. The whole ethos of a successful prison system is to rehabilitate those who can be and to keep locked up those who cannot. The Bali 9 duo do not appear to have been born evil. As young men, they did something they knew was a crime but they did it out of stupidity. They needed to learn their lesson and they did.
There once was man named Nelson Mandela who, during the 1960's could have been sent to his death for the bombing of government buildings, amongst other crimes. The South African government were perfectly within their legal system's right to have executed him. But they chose to prove a point and show they were not the evil ones. The South African government finally stopped seeing things so black and white (not intended as a pun) and saw the bigger picture. Imagine if the name Nelson Mandela was just a name in South African history as one of many black activists who was killed for his crimes?
I truly believe the Bali 9 duo could have done so much more to help other convicted drug smugglers see the error of their ways and be a positive role model for what these people could become if they wanted to. Will other potential young drug smugglers see what has happened and say 'oh cripes, better not do that then?' I don't think they will. I think without a positive role model who has been there, done that, who can tell them the realities, they will simply think, they got caught, they were unlucky, I won't be caught. Until they are...
In a week when thousands of people have died in Nepal, did Indonesia really need to add to the weekly world death toll? I understand the new Indonesian President was trying to make his position clear; he will not tolerate drugs in his country. Sadly, the Indonesian President has not seen the bigger picture. He just wanted to make his point. I believe you made a point Mr President. But I don't believe it was the point you were trying to make. #IStandForMercy
April 28th - UVO spotted in Australia!
Tonight we had an issue with a UVO - an unidentified vegetable object. It was spotted somewhere in the middle of the mince and tomato sauce aka spaghetti bolgonese. The object was white and shiny. Long Legs spotted it first. He looked at me, my eyes went wide as I saw what he saw. I gulped and panic started to rise. 'What's this?' he said. 'I don't know,' I replied rather feebly.
'Mummy, I'm going to eat it,' he said refusing to take his eyes off of me. 'I just can't remember what it's called.' Was he trying to dupe me? Was this simply a ruse to get me to confess to my wrong doing. I had to think quickly. I know, I'll tell him something vaguely close to the truth. Alright, I'll just lie. 'It's shallot?' I said with a rather too high voice. 'Oh yeah' he said. The fork entered the mouth and in it went. In it stayed.
I walked away nonchalantly trying not to draw any more attention to the situation. 'Phew' that was a close one Mr Onion. Tomorrow night, let's play it safe in case he starts to get suss. You'd best stay in the fridge tomorrow night with your other alien friends. Til tomorrow x
'Mummy, I'm going to eat it,' he said refusing to take his eyes off of me. 'I just can't remember what it's called.' Was he trying to dupe me? Was this simply a ruse to get me to confess to my wrong doing. I had to think quickly. I know, I'll tell him something vaguely close to the truth. Alright, I'll just lie. 'It's shallot?' I said with a rather too high voice. 'Oh yeah' he said. The fork entered the mouth and in it went. In it stayed.
I walked away nonchalantly trying not to draw any more attention to the situation. 'Phew' that was a close one Mr Onion. Tomorrow night, let's play it safe in case he starts to get suss. You'd best stay in the fridge tomorrow night with your other alien friends. Til tomorrow x
Tuesday, 28 April 2015
April 27th - You Talking To Me?
Today my boys have displayed the very common issue children with ASD have with attention. I may as well have been speaking to the neighbours in the street, I'm sure they heard me, unlike my children who were in worlds of their own. It's very easy for a child with ASD to be labelled ADHD and be popped onto to medication. For sure medication helps as it would for a true case of ADHD on occasion. However, just because there are attention issues does not necessarily mean your child is ADHD or warrant medication as the first course of action. Understanding the causes of the attention issues come from the ASD brain and the sensory system is the first port of call.
Executive functioning is the area of the brain which controls attention and it is a known area of weakness for children with ASD. The two attention characteristics which cause regular mayhem in this house are shifting attention and paying attention. Shifting attention is the ability to stop doing one thing and start another. The child's ability to shift attention is affected by whether he is focusing his attention so intensely on something he doesn't want to stop. Or what you are asking him to pay attention to is less interesting than what he is doing.
Children with ASD either get so engrossed in something that not even a bomb going off near them will distract them, think watching tv, playing the iPad, playing with their favourite toy. It's a very admirable trait to be able to focus so intensely on something that nothing else distracts you and can be an asset on occasion. As a mother who wants a child to get ready for school, asking a child with ASD to stop blowing up baddies and shift attention to putting on socks is a bit like asking Kim Kardashian to reveal her bum less often. It's not really much of an asset.
Their other frequent issue is of course not paying attention. If you are asking them to go tidy their room then chances are they will suddenly find that toy they never play with fascinating! Add in the genuine 'I've got something more interesting to do factor' i.e. the tv on and it's like playing tennis with a child's head back and forth trying to get them to focus on some part of your body so you can say whatever it is you need to. All they hear is blah blah blah oooh look sparkles! If I want any chance of order in this house in the morning (ha!) the tv is off even in my room. Suddenly my boys can find the stock exchange prices on the morning news riveting if it means ignoring me.
Focussing attention on one thing is also a potential health hazard. Prior to Long Legs' party, he kept sneaking into the kitchen to pinch the mini chicken pies I was cooking ready to box up and take to the kart track. Every time I turned around he was sneaking away with one in his hand, I am surprised there were any to take. Once we got to the kart track he didn't touch one! He was too busy doing other fun stuff like drive at over 60kms per hour. I literally had to stick a water bottle under his nose as drinking water to stay alive was clearly an annoyance. Things like eating and drinking really do go down the list of priorities in their heads until all of sudden they will realise they are gasping the minute you stop their 'fun' activity.
The other reason why they might not be able to pay attention is due to sensory issues. Either something is bugging them that is taking their attention away from you or they need to seek out something sensory to regulate their system. Long Legs is a serious sensory seeker and he is forever making us late for school because he seeks out sensory input at the start of the day (as soon as he's asked to do something boring like eat breakfast of course) and whilst doing so he goes into a trance like state. The Short One struggles with paying attention at school because he's very sensitive to things that annoy him. Add in the poor muscle tone he has and he fidgets from side to side because it hurts him to sit up straight for long periods. This year his class is trialling a new classroom set up which involves limited desks and lots of beanbags, sofas and rugs on floor. It seems the ideal set up for helping a child with sensory issues to be able to pay attention. Unfortunately, this does not help me at home in the mornings so if you hear a holler, you know it's me trying to get my boys' attention :D Til tomorrow x
Executive functioning is the area of the brain which controls attention and it is a known area of weakness for children with ASD. The two attention characteristics which cause regular mayhem in this house are shifting attention and paying attention. Shifting attention is the ability to stop doing one thing and start another. The child's ability to shift attention is affected by whether he is focusing his attention so intensely on something he doesn't want to stop. Or what you are asking him to pay attention to is less interesting than what he is doing.
Children with ASD either get so engrossed in something that not even a bomb going off near them will distract them, think watching tv, playing the iPad, playing with their favourite toy. It's a very admirable trait to be able to focus so intensely on something that nothing else distracts you and can be an asset on occasion. As a mother who wants a child to get ready for school, asking a child with ASD to stop blowing up baddies and shift attention to putting on socks is a bit like asking Kim Kardashian to reveal her bum less often. It's not really much of an asset.
Their other frequent issue is of course not paying attention. If you are asking them to go tidy their room then chances are they will suddenly find that toy they never play with fascinating! Add in the genuine 'I've got something more interesting to do factor' i.e. the tv on and it's like playing tennis with a child's head back and forth trying to get them to focus on some part of your body so you can say whatever it is you need to. All they hear is blah blah blah oooh look sparkles! If I want any chance of order in this house in the morning (ha!) the tv is off even in my room. Suddenly my boys can find the stock exchange prices on the morning news riveting if it means ignoring me.
Focussing attention on one thing is also a potential health hazard. Prior to Long Legs' party, he kept sneaking into the kitchen to pinch the mini chicken pies I was cooking ready to box up and take to the kart track. Every time I turned around he was sneaking away with one in his hand, I am surprised there were any to take. Once we got to the kart track he didn't touch one! He was too busy doing other fun stuff like drive at over 60kms per hour. I literally had to stick a water bottle under his nose as drinking water to stay alive was clearly an annoyance. Things like eating and drinking really do go down the list of priorities in their heads until all of sudden they will realise they are gasping the minute you stop their 'fun' activity.
The other reason why they might not be able to pay attention is due to sensory issues. Either something is bugging them that is taking their attention away from you or they need to seek out something sensory to regulate their system. Long Legs is a serious sensory seeker and he is forever making us late for school because he seeks out sensory input at the start of the day (as soon as he's asked to do something boring like eat breakfast of course) and whilst doing so he goes into a trance like state. The Short One struggles with paying attention at school because he's very sensitive to things that annoy him. Add in the poor muscle tone he has and he fidgets from side to side because it hurts him to sit up straight for long periods. This year his class is trialling a new classroom set up which involves limited desks and lots of beanbags, sofas and rugs on floor. It seems the ideal set up for helping a child with sensory issues to be able to pay attention. Unfortunately, this does not help me at home in the mornings so if you hear a holler, you know it's me trying to get my boys' attention :D Til tomorrow x
Monday, 27 April 2015
April 26th 2015 - The Morning After
Today was the 'day after the day before'. Exhaustion was King. Til tomorrow x
Sunday, 26 April 2015
April 25th 2015 - Party On Wayne!
Oh I do love a good birthday party! But it's fair to say Long Legs hasn't had many of these over the years, so today's birthday party was extra fun. You may have read a post I put on my FB page a few days ago about a mother who invited strangers to her daughter's birthday because nobody had rsvped and over 100 strangers turned up to celebrate with her. I totally understand why the mother did it as planning birthdays for Long Legs has never been just a simple who do you want to invite and what do you want to do?
Parties haven't been a big part of his childhood, either his own or as a guest at others. Once things started to go a little pear shaped socially for him, his birthdays had to be planned strategically. As any parent who has been in this situation knows, and I know there are a lot of us, watching everyone receive a Christmas card except your child or knowing the parties that are happening in their class but with no invites coming his way, makes you do things other parents don't even have to think about.
When he was 6, he had just started primary school and as one of the first birthdays for his class, I simply invited every single boy to his birthday. That way, with no way of knowing if he would make friends, I could at least ensure he was at least invited to their birthdays that year out of politeness. During his 6th birthday, all of the boys had fun playing the games in the swimming pool whilst he stayed in the corner of the pool splashing around on his own. My husband and I were bothered by this in one respect, but our son was having a party with a load of boys from his class. We hoped this gave him a fighting chance for the rest of the year.
I could honestly count on two hands maximum how many birthdays he has been invited to since we moved inter-state just before he turned 7. When he was 8, I decided to have a big party for him in the local park to try and assist in the friendship making process again. 3 children rsvped out of the many I had invited which made it less of a party and more of a play at the park with 3 friends. I was devastated and I haven't bothered trying to organise a party since.
He started high school this year and got off to a slightly rocky start with his attempts to make friends involving some interesting manoeuvres on his part. Thankfully, he settled down pretty quickly, but kids don't forget. Having not had a party since his 6th birthday, I decided this year was the year and I let him invite quite a few boys to go karting with him today. As anybody who has ever gone karting knows, it is not a cheap activity. On any other occasion I might have suggested he took a few good friends, especially given my husband was out of work for two months at the end of last year. An expensive party would in any other household be the thing to go by the wayside at such times. But when he looks back at photos of his birthdays, I want him to have memories of a party and not feel like he has missed out. And yes this was as much for me as it was for him. Most importantly, for socialisation reasons, I want the boys in his class to get to know the real him.
Today I watched him kart, go on amusement rides, play mini-golf and laugh with his group of friends and be totally involved with his own party. Obviously this is such a far cry from his 6th birthday. I also noticed he wasn't making any inappropriate social attempts to get anyone's attention, the boys were all running around having fun and let's just say watching them drive and hit a few tyres was making us parents cringe but laugh out loud. I now have the all important photos to record the day and he can go to school on Monday and share the memories of the day with his friends who he hopefully will continue to just be himself with and not feel he has to try so hard to fit in. I consider today's party to be very much part of the cost of raising a child with ASD. It wasn't just a party for a party's sake. Instead of spending a couple of hours in a psychologist's office talking about the theory of social skills, he spent several hours putting those skills into practice. I reckon the party cost about the same as 2 hours in his psych's office but don't know for sure. Once I am brave enough to look at the credit card statement, I'll add it to my yearly total. Til tomorrow x
Parties haven't been a big part of his childhood, either his own or as a guest at others. Once things started to go a little pear shaped socially for him, his birthdays had to be planned strategically. As any parent who has been in this situation knows, and I know there are a lot of us, watching everyone receive a Christmas card except your child or knowing the parties that are happening in their class but with no invites coming his way, makes you do things other parents don't even have to think about.
When he was 6, he had just started primary school and as one of the first birthdays for his class, I simply invited every single boy to his birthday. That way, with no way of knowing if he would make friends, I could at least ensure he was at least invited to their birthdays that year out of politeness. During his 6th birthday, all of the boys had fun playing the games in the swimming pool whilst he stayed in the corner of the pool splashing around on his own. My husband and I were bothered by this in one respect, but our son was having a party with a load of boys from his class. We hoped this gave him a fighting chance for the rest of the year.
I could honestly count on two hands maximum how many birthdays he has been invited to since we moved inter-state just before he turned 7. When he was 8, I decided to have a big party for him in the local park to try and assist in the friendship making process again. 3 children rsvped out of the many I had invited which made it less of a party and more of a play at the park with 3 friends. I was devastated and I haven't bothered trying to organise a party since.
He started high school this year and got off to a slightly rocky start with his attempts to make friends involving some interesting manoeuvres on his part. Thankfully, he settled down pretty quickly, but kids don't forget. Having not had a party since his 6th birthday, I decided this year was the year and I let him invite quite a few boys to go karting with him today. As anybody who has ever gone karting knows, it is not a cheap activity. On any other occasion I might have suggested he took a few good friends, especially given my husband was out of work for two months at the end of last year. An expensive party would in any other household be the thing to go by the wayside at such times. But when he looks back at photos of his birthdays, I want him to have memories of a party and not feel like he has missed out. And yes this was as much for me as it was for him. Most importantly, for socialisation reasons, I want the boys in his class to get to know the real him.
Today I watched him kart, go on amusement rides, play mini-golf and laugh with his group of friends and be totally involved with his own party. Obviously this is such a far cry from his 6th birthday. I also noticed he wasn't making any inappropriate social attempts to get anyone's attention, the boys were all running around having fun and let's just say watching them drive and hit a few tyres was making us parents cringe but laugh out loud. I now have the all important photos to record the day and he can go to school on Monday and share the memories of the day with his friends who he hopefully will continue to just be himself with and not feel he has to try so hard to fit in. I consider today's party to be very much part of the cost of raising a child with ASD. It wasn't just a party for a party's sake. Instead of spending a couple of hours in a psychologist's office talking about the theory of social skills, he spent several hours putting those skills into practice. I reckon the party cost about the same as 2 hours in his psych's office but don't know for sure. Once I am brave enough to look at the credit card statement, I'll add it to my yearly total. Til tomorrow x
Friday, 24 April 2015
April 24th 2015 - Snogging Ricky Gervais
Sleep deprivation and exhaustion is a funny thing. You either get seriously cranky, or go delirious. I decided today I would enter delirium. This morning my husband, as he left for work at the crack of dawn, did not get a wave with my happy smile, he didn't even get my usual grunt as he left. My mother did not get her morning facebook chat. Instead, I was head under duvet, deep in slumber, dreaming I was snogging Ricky Gervais! Yes people, you read that right. In my defence, Ricky was looking quite handsome. He wasn't looking like one of his Twitter photos in which he tries to pull the ugliest face he can. And by snog, I really mean more of a chin suck, no lips were locked and I ended up googling how tall he actually is this morning out of curiosity.
My children then had the pleasure of a mother who's eyes needed sticks in. as to amuse myself and keep me awake whilst driving them to school, I decided to entertain them. By entertain, I mean sing along to the songs the Short One likes to play on his iPad when he is in the car. One of his current favourites, I learned this morning, is Eye of the Tiger from Rocky III. This song is from my generation and you tell me who isn't tempted to sing the high bits? So there I was and eye of the tiger just can't help escaping my lips in my best high pitch. Long Legs rolled his eyes and told me how embarrassing I was - like the other drivers could hear! And the Short One told me I was ruining his favourite song! And if I didn't stop he would turn the music off!!! Yeah like that's gonna stop me. I kissed Long Legs goodbye and wound down his window as he walked into school and gave him a farewell 'eye of the tiger'. He didn't turn around to wave goodbye to me. Funny that. I have continued to giggle at myself all day, plus a few others. I like being tired, it's really funny! Til tomorrow x ps Ricky Gervais is 3 inches taller than me!
My children then had the pleasure of a mother who's eyes needed sticks in. as to amuse myself and keep me awake whilst driving them to school, I decided to entertain them. By entertain, I mean sing along to the songs the Short One likes to play on his iPad when he is in the car. One of his current favourites, I learned this morning, is Eye of the Tiger from Rocky III. This song is from my generation and you tell me who isn't tempted to sing the high bits? So there I was and eye of the tiger just can't help escaping my lips in my best high pitch. Long Legs rolled his eyes and told me how embarrassing I was - like the other drivers could hear! And the Short One told me I was ruining his favourite song! And if I didn't stop he would turn the music off!!! Yeah like that's gonna stop me. I kissed Long Legs goodbye and wound down his window as he walked into school and gave him a farewell 'eye of the tiger'. He didn't turn around to wave goodbye to me. Funny that. I have continued to giggle at myself all day, plus a few others. I like being tired, it's really funny! Til tomorrow x ps Ricky Gervais is 3 inches taller than me!
April 23rd 2015 - Cheese and Chocolate
Long Legs has in the space of 12 hours driven me absolute potty with a couple of things he's done and in the midst of my ranting to him, he has made me laugh. Rant was ended. I am so glad he has done this and I hope, given it's success rate so far has been 100%, he will keep doing it. You may think it's wrong that I am hoping my 12-year-old son will help keep me calm when it should be the other way around. I do count to 100 on a daily basis. I also lose my rag on a daily basis. I feel like I should know better, and I do, but all the education,
training and knowledge in the world does not prepare you for what it's
actually like on the western front.
I shared a post the other day on my facebook and twitter pages about a mother who said she was glad her son was on medication for his ADHD. If you read the post you would have seen how she felt like the motherhood gig was clearly not her forte because she was such a cranky and impatient mother. Once her son was on medication she realised that she was in fact a good, patient mother. The medication either made her son's issues disappear for the day or were reduced. Having some semblance of 'normality' gave her the patience she needed for when his issues returned at the end of the day once the meds had worn off. As much as it is not PC to say she's happy her son is on meds, she also likes how she feels as a mother because he is. I get that.
I resonated with this piece because there is pretty much not a day that goes by where I don't feel like the worst mother ever because of something I say or do to my boys because of a lack of patience. One is on meds, the other isn't. I would love to say the medication has such a dramatic transformation on my eldest that I don't find him hard work when he is on them. Unfortunately, as much as they do dramatically help his attention and impulsivity, they are not little miracle pills. The Short One's issues cannot be assisted by medication and although I do not find him as exhausting as his brother, he is still fairly draining on a daily basis. I know the combination of both of their issues plus the years of having to deal with them has sucked out my back up reserves of patience and so I literally have my daily reserves to work with. It's a bit like a device being charged up for only 5 minutes as opposed to an all night battery back up; it's going to run out fairly quickly.
If you haven't read the post, here is something else she said. " Lucas isn’t the only one who’s been suffering here. ADHD had been wearing all of us down, especially me, his primary caregiver. I’d been worrying for so many years that the constant negative feedback Lucas received at school would condition him to believe that all he could expect from life was an endless torrent of people begging him to pay attention and telling him his best wasn’t good enough. A justifiable concern, for sure. But I nearly overlooked what ADHD had done to the rest of our family. To me."
So here we go back to the beginning and my hopes that my son will help keep me calm when he has one of his moments. Last night, for the third night in a row, he played up at bed time rolling around in the sleeping back his friend used at the weekend, squirming like a caterpillar under our bed and refusing to come out. He has insisted every night that he wants to sleep in our room, which is not helped by the fact his brother has been sleeping in our room since we returned from the UK in January - that's another story! My husband had a moment of genius when he said the problem was we've turned his fan off because night time temperatures have dropped dramatically this week. He clearly is soothed by the sound of white noise which must block off whatever noises he can hear which hinder him dropping off. We put on calming music on night 2 to give him some noise and left his fairy lights on and off he dropped.
We forgot to do it last night but getting into a routine of giving him these new techniques to help drop off takes us a while. He on the other hand very quickly gets into bad habits which become his routine. His new bedtime routine tends to go on for about half an hour and last night, whilst I persisted for quite a while simply asking him to get up off the floor and go to bed, with a constant answer of 'no', my patience eventually lost and the yelling won. Naturally he was not impressed with me and as I am frequently told when I raise my voice 'you're mean!'. As he stomped off back to his room yelling at me for being a meanie, I yelled at him 'if you won't move, what do you want me to do? You can't just sit there saying no all night?!?' To which he replied 'give me cheese!' We both started laughing, I gave him a cuddle and then put him to bed where he stayed.
Pretty much the same happened this morning, he stole chocolate from the fridge which is something of a habit of his and for which we have told him umpteen times the rules about taking food without asking. So after the third minute of letting steam pour from my ears in fury, I again could not hold it in any longer and yelled 'what bit about the rule, do not take chocolate from the fridge do you not understand? Why do you keep doing it?!' To which he replied 'because I like chocolate.' I really have no argument with that. Cue more laughter. Tonight the fan will be back on, if it is too cold to be facing him, I will simply point it towards a wall but at least the noise will still be there. I will also have a kilo of cheese under my pillow in case of emergencies. Til tomorrow x
I shared a post the other day on my facebook and twitter pages about a mother who said she was glad her son was on medication for his ADHD. If you read the post you would have seen how she felt like the motherhood gig was clearly not her forte because she was such a cranky and impatient mother. Once her son was on medication she realised that she was in fact a good, patient mother. The medication either made her son's issues disappear for the day or were reduced. Having some semblance of 'normality' gave her the patience she needed for when his issues returned at the end of the day once the meds had worn off. As much as it is not PC to say she's happy her son is on meds, she also likes how she feels as a mother because he is. I get that.
I resonated with this piece because there is pretty much not a day that goes by where I don't feel like the worst mother ever because of something I say or do to my boys because of a lack of patience. One is on meds, the other isn't. I would love to say the medication has such a dramatic transformation on my eldest that I don't find him hard work when he is on them. Unfortunately, as much as they do dramatically help his attention and impulsivity, they are not little miracle pills. The Short One's issues cannot be assisted by medication and although I do not find him as exhausting as his brother, he is still fairly draining on a daily basis. I know the combination of both of their issues plus the years of having to deal with them has sucked out my back up reserves of patience and so I literally have my daily reserves to work with. It's a bit like a device being charged up for only 5 minutes as opposed to an all night battery back up; it's going to run out fairly quickly.
If you haven't read the post, here is something else she said. " Lucas isn’t the only one who’s been suffering here. ADHD had been wearing all of us down, especially me, his primary caregiver. I’d been worrying for so many years that the constant negative feedback Lucas received at school would condition him to believe that all he could expect from life was an endless torrent of people begging him to pay attention and telling him his best wasn’t good enough. A justifiable concern, for sure. But I nearly overlooked what ADHD had done to the rest of our family. To me."
So here we go back to the beginning and my hopes that my son will help keep me calm when he has one of his moments. Last night, for the third night in a row, he played up at bed time rolling around in the sleeping back his friend used at the weekend, squirming like a caterpillar under our bed and refusing to come out. He has insisted every night that he wants to sleep in our room, which is not helped by the fact his brother has been sleeping in our room since we returned from the UK in January - that's another story! My husband had a moment of genius when he said the problem was we've turned his fan off because night time temperatures have dropped dramatically this week. He clearly is soothed by the sound of white noise which must block off whatever noises he can hear which hinder him dropping off. We put on calming music on night 2 to give him some noise and left his fairy lights on and off he dropped.
We forgot to do it last night but getting into a routine of giving him these new techniques to help drop off takes us a while. He on the other hand very quickly gets into bad habits which become his routine. His new bedtime routine tends to go on for about half an hour and last night, whilst I persisted for quite a while simply asking him to get up off the floor and go to bed, with a constant answer of 'no', my patience eventually lost and the yelling won. Naturally he was not impressed with me and as I am frequently told when I raise my voice 'you're mean!'. As he stomped off back to his room yelling at me for being a meanie, I yelled at him 'if you won't move, what do you want me to do? You can't just sit there saying no all night?!?' To which he replied 'give me cheese!' We both started laughing, I gave him a cuddle and then put him to bed where he stayed.
Pretty much the same happened this morning, he stole chocolate from the fridge which is something of a habit of his and for which we have told him umpteen times the rules about taking food without asking. So after the third minute of letting steam pour from my ears in fury, I again could not hold it in any longer and yelled 'what bit about the rule, do not take chocolate from the fridge do you not understand? Why do you keep doing it?!' To which he replied 'because I like chocolate.' I really have no argument with that. Cue more laughter. Tonight the fan will be back on, if it is too cold to be facing him, I will simply point it towards a wall but at least the noise will still be there. I will also have a kilo of cheese under my pillow in case of emergencies. Til tomorrow x
Wednesday, 22 April 2015
Apirl 22nd 2015 - Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
I had my hair cut yesterday for the first time in 5 months. The last time I had it done was a couple of days before my husband was made redundant. He got the call that his employers had gone belly up whilst we were in the UK and this meant he was out of work for the 2 months we were there. I am the only one in this family who actually pays for her hair to be cut so I simply haven't had it done whilst we get back on financial track. The reason no-one else pays for a hair cut in this family is that my husband is from Yorkshire. And my boys have ASD.
Ask the mother of a child with ASD what her preferred method of torture would be if the choice was taking her child for a hair cut or having a hot poker pressed to her skin, she would choose the hot poker any day! I have had years of torture as the only way to get them to have a haircut was to do it myself. This usually involved me doing a couple of snips and then boom! Long Legs used to run around the house screaming because the hair felt like cut glass on the skin. The Short One is fidgets and squirms and jumps up when he's had enough regardless of whether he looks like one of the 3 Stooges.
I took Long Legs to a hairdressers when he was a toddler once, any attempts after that were disastrous. So I took to snipping his hair myself when he was asleep (as I suspect a lot of us have done at some point) just so he could see out of his eyes. The Short One started off quite promisingly and I was able to take him to the hairdressers but he has got worse over the years. He used to quite happily sit and have his hair cut by a hairdresser, by sit happily I mean not fidget and squirm every time a pair of scissors went near him. As I was doing his brother's hair, eventually when we moved states and I lost my hairdresser, I just started to do his too. Silly me.
I thought we'd had a breakthrough with Long Legs a few years ago when he had his hair cut in the UK. I don't know whether it was the fact the hairdresser was completely camp and over the top that made him sit still or that we'd persuaded him to have his hair cut by the same hairdresser who cut his equally hair cutting phobic cousin. He had, at this point in his life, just started brushing therapy with the OT. Now I must point out, the brushing technique is NOT an evidence based practice. That just means, not enough kids with ASD have shown enough improvement after this therapy. For us, however, it most definitely had a significant effect and Long Leg's sat still in the hairdresser's chair. Back to Australia and without a hairdresser I was back to my snipping and although Long Legs was better with me, it was still pretty painful.
In the end it got so bad with both of them I just said, no more, I am never doing this again! They screamed, I screamed, hair went everywhere and it was, well torture. As Long Legs entered senior year at primary school, the rules about length of hair became very strict and after a warning from the teacher that he would have to wear it in a pony-tail, I decided to bite the bullet and took him straight to a new barbers that had opened. This then involved Long Legs sitting there refusing to get in the chair for a very long time whilst my face was trying to convey to the hairdresser and the other people in the room that he wasn't being a brat. Eventually he got in the chair after the addition of a little bribery, I mean positive reinforcement. I then took the Short One a few days later, my nerves couldn't cope with both on the same day, and he obliged the first time. However, the second time we went back, Long Legs sat there good as gold but the Short One had such a bad experience with a different hairdresser, who seemed to think when I said 'no clippers' I meant, 'please keep bringing the clippers out and put them near my son's ears, even if I shake my head furiously at you and say no', that he has pretty much refused haircuts since.
When we were in the UK before Xmas, Grandma's hairdresser came to give them both a haircut and they did pretty well, but the Short One moaned like buggery that he didn't want it done. Before we returned to Australia and back to school, we couldn't get Grandma's hairdresser to come back and do them again so Daddy took them to Grandad's barber. Long Legs turned up later looking like he'd had a hair cut, the Short One, not so much. That's because he'd refused to get in the chair! Alas, the haircut Long Legs had had, was actually short lived.
He started high school this year which has a strict uniform policy and a stipulation in the school guide that hair is not to be extreme or dyed. So he had a much shorter cut than usual but it turned out to be too long. He returned home the day of his formal school photo to inform me that they refused to take his photo because the school rules (not actually stated in their prospectus!) are no hair over the ears and it is not allowed to be touching the eye-brows. I spat the dummy for a while and then sucked it up. I did after all choose a high school for Long Legs which had strict rules and boundaries because this is what suits him best. So then I panicked at the thought of how do I get his hair cut around his ears and got ready to do battle.
Thankfully, a rather interesting looking footballer came to my rescue who goes by the name of Namar. Now, if like me you have no idea who this dude is, you can be assured that as a footballer, his hair is not short back and sides. Long Legs agreed to a hair cut as long as I made him look like Mr Namar. I pointed out that I didn't quite think Long Legs would get away with the dyed blonde spikey fringe or the no.1 clip up the back. So we compromised on it being quite short up the back (and around the ears!) and that I would give him a long enough fringe for the flickability factor. Success! Child happy, he actually loved the feel of the short hair. School happy, photo taken.
So term 2 has just started and I said to Long Legs, better have a quick tidy up, that fringe is at least 1mm over the eyebrows! As much as he tried to tell me he could just sweep it to the sides, I convinced him, a quick snip was all that was needed. I suggested the previous time that it would be helpful if I could use Daddy's clippers and he wasn't completely averse to the idea but I chickened out and stuck with the trusty comb and scissors. This time, having just done Daddy's wig, I suggested them again and lo and behold he did not do a Usain on me as the buzz of the clippers started up but sat there and let me clip. I clipped his hair. Around his ears we went without a flinch and then he requested a 'V' shape to be cut into the back of his head which I diligently did for him of course. It made my life sooooo much easier and I can at least think about his next hair cut without getting night terrors. He has made so many advancements lately that I think he must be on a roll. I wonder what else I can introduce? The Short One will, however, be getting a quick clip in his sleep over the next few days...
Til tomorrow x
Ask the mother of a child with ASD what her preferred method of torture would be if the choice was taking her child for a hair cut or having a hot poker pressed to her skin, she would choose the hot poker any day! I have had years of torture as the only way to get them to have a haircut was to do it myself. This usually involved me doing a couple of snips and then boom! Long Legs used to run around the house screaming because the hair felt like cut glass on the skin. The Short One is fidgets and squirms and jumps up when he's had enough regardless of whether he looks like one of the 3 Stooges.
I took Long Legs to a hairdressers when he was a toddler once, any attempts after that were disastrous. So I took to snipping his hair myself when he was asleep (as I suspect a lot of us have done at some point) just so he could see out of his eyes. The Short One started off quite promisingly and I was able to take him to the hairdressers but he has got worse over the years. He used to quite happily sit and have his hair cut by a hairdresser, by sit happily I mean not fidget and squirm every time a pair of scissors went near him. As I was doing his brother's hair, eventually when we moved states and I lost my hairdresser, I just started to do his too. Silly me.
I thought we'd had a breakthrough with Long Legs a few years ago when he had his hair cut in the UK. I don't know whether it was the fact the hairdresser was completely camp and over the top that made him sit still or that we'd persuaded him to have his hair cut by the same hairdresser who cut his equally hair cutting phobic cousin. He had, at this point in his life, just started brushing therapy with the OT. Now I must point out, the brushing technique is NOT an evidence based practice. That just means, not enough kids with ASD have shown enough improvement after this therapy. For us, however, it most definitely had a significant effect and Long Leg's sat still in the hairdresser's chair. Back to Australia and without a hairdresser I was back to my snipping and although Long Legs was better with me, it was still pretty painful.
In the end it got so bad with both of them I just said, no more, I am never doing this again! They screamed, I screamed, hair went everywhere and it was, well torture. As Long Legs entered senior year at primary school, the rules about length of hair became very strict and after a warning from the teacher that he would have to wear it in a pony-tail, I decided to bite the bullet and took him straight to a new barbers that had opened. This then involved Long Legs sitting there refusing to get in the chair for a very long time whilst my face was trying to convey to the hairdresser and the other people in the room that he wasn't being a brat. Eventually he got in the chair after the addition of a little bribery, I mean positive reinforcement. I then took the Short One a few days later, my nerves couldn't cope with both on the same day, and he obliged the first time. However, the second time we went back, Long Legs sat there good as gold but the Short One had such a bad experience with a different hairdresser, who seemed to think when I said 'no clippers' I meant, 'please keep bringing the clippers out and put them near my son's ears, even if I shake my head furiously at you and say no', that he has pretty much refused haircuts since.
When we were in the UK before Xmas, Grandma's hairdresser came to give them both a haircut and they did pretty well, but the Short One moaned like buggery that he didn't want it done. Before we returned to Australia and back to school, we couldn't get Grandma's hairdresser to come back and do them again so Daddy took them to Grandad's barber. Long Legs turned up later looking like he'd had a hair cut, the Short One, not so much. That's because he'd refused to get in the chair! Alas, the haircut Long Legs had had, was actually short lived.
He started high school this year which has a strict uniform policy and a stipulation in the school guide that hair is not to be extreme or dyed. So he had a much shorter cut than usual but it turned out to be too long. He returned home the day of his formal school photo to inform me that they refused to take his photo because the school rules (not actually stated in their prospectus!) are no hair over the ears and it is not allowed to be touching the eye-brows. I spat the dummy for a while and then sucked it up. I did after all choose a high school for Long Legs which had strict rules and boundaries because this is what suits him best. So then I panicked at the thought of how do I get his hair cut around his ears and got ready to do battle.
Thankfully, a rather interesting looking footballer came to my rescue who goes by the name of Namar. Now, if like me you have no idea who this dude is, you can be assured that as a footballer, his hair is not short back and sides. Long Legs agreed to a hair cut as long as I made him look like Mr Namar. I pointed out that I didn't quite think Long Legs would get away with the dyed blonde spikey fringe or the no.1 clip up the back. So we compromised on it being quite short up the back (and around the ears!) and that I would give him a long enough fringe for the flickability factor. Success! Child happy, he actually loved the feel of the short hair. School happy, photo taken.
So term 2 has just started and I said to Long Legs, better have a quick tidy up, that fringe is at least 1mm over the eyebrows! As much as he tried to tell me he could just sweep it to the sides, I convinced him, a quick snip was all that was needed. I suggested the previous time that it would be helpful if I could use Daddy's clippers and he wasn't completely averse to the idea but I chickened out and stuck with the trusty comb and scissors. This time, having just done Daddy's wig, I suggested them again and lo and behold he did not do a Usain on me as the buzz of the clippers started up but sat there and let me clip. I clipped his hair. Around his ears we went without a flinch and then he requested a 'V' shape to be cut into the back of his head which I diligently did for him of course. It made my life sooooo much easier and I can at least think about his next hair cut without getting night terrors. He has made so many advancements lately that I think he must be on a roll. I wonder what else I can introduce? The Short One will, however, be getting a quick clip in his sleep over the next few days...
Til tomorrow x
Tuesday, 21 April 2015
April 21st 2015 - Blah!
Some days, are days like today. I had a unique experience of breaking up a physical fight between my boys after school because one touched the other's Lego. I had legs and arms akimbo pushing them apart whilst they continued to scream at each other, so I stood in the living room making a very loud, very high pitched noise for a loooooonnnggg time to diffuse the situation. They both burst out laughing and carried on playing. I poured myself a drink and collapsed. The End. Til tomorrow x
Monday, 20 April 2015
April 20th 2015 - Run Forest Run!
Today the groans were audible from my bedroom. First day of term upsets me more than the boys. Back to the usual routines, which for me are memorable, but alas routines for the boys are not so entrenched. The Short One will stand there in nothing but his undies and declare that he 'doesn't know what he has to do!' I of course reply, 'are you planning on going to school in the nude?' Yes we have been doing the same thing for many years. Yes I have visual schedules. But the Short One will not use it because there is one thing on the list which he doesn't do any more. The visual schedule is laminated for heaven's sake and he wants me to just get rid instead of just missing out the steps he doesn't need to take. Long Legs is much more independent these days but if left to his own devices completely, he would have lost all his teeth years ago as he fails every day to see the importance of cleaning his teeth.
The Short One had his first senior cross-country today, a proper run around the school course. In true cross-country style, it had been raining the night before so there was plenty of mud to trudge through. I always thought the Short One would have my capacity for running, think Phoebe running in Friends with her legs going everywhere. He has consistently got faster every year and he may well do the same as his brother and get better every year. Long Legs made the top 3 only when he was Grade 6 and this year in Grade 7 he came first. The Short One today was in the top 10 but I was too busy shouting at the top of my lungs (I learned from best when it comes to being the most embarrassing mother at sports events - my own mother) to actually count how many were in front of him.
I always feel a little bereft when they are back at school and I need a day or so to remember what to do when they are not here. But before I knew it, it was time to pick them up and head off to see Long Legs' psych. She is a fabulous woman who really knows how to talk to tweenage boys. Long Legs always rolls his eyes and moans that he has to go but he always has a grown up talk with her and they both come out laughing. She spoke to me today about the fact that he loves learning 'hands on' and suggested we start incorporating learning social skills and increasing his confidence in a practical setting. I mentioned how I had just started taking him to the go-kart track for those very reasons and intended to make it a regular thing and I could tell without her saying it that she thought I was a genius ha ha! So I handed over my credit card for $250 feeling proud of myself and backed up in my choice of 'therapy' which as I said the other day, could look to an untrained eye as a luxury. After today, a trip to the go-kart track looks positively cheap. Today's costs are $270. Til tomorrow x
The Short One had his first senior cross-country today, a proper run around the school course. In true cross-country style, it had been raining the night before so there was plenty of mud to trudge through. I always thought the Short One would have my capacity for running, think Phoebe running in Friends with her legs going everywhere. He has consistently got faster every year and he may well do the same as his brother and get better every year. Long Legs made the top 3 only when he was Grade 6 and this year in Grade 7 he came first. The Short One today was in the top 10 but I was too busy shouting at the top of my lungs (I learned from best when it comes to being the most embarrassing mother at sports events - my own mother) to actually count how many were in front of him.
I always feel a little bereft when they are back at school and I need a day or so to remember what to do when they are not here. But before I knew it, it was time to pick them up and head off to see Long Legs' psych. She is a fabulous woman who really knows how to talk to tweenage boys. Long Legs always rolls his eyes and moans that he has to go but he always has a grown up talk with her and they both come out laughing. She spoke to me today about the fact that he loves learning 'hands on' and suggested we start incorporating learning social skills and increasing his confidence in a practical setting. I mentioned how I had just started taking him to the go-kart track for those very reasons and intended to make it a regular thing and I could tell without her saying it that she thought I was a genius ha ha! So I handed over my credit card for $250 feeling proud of myself and backed up in my choice of 'therapy' which as I said the other day, could look to an untrained eye as a luxury. After today, a trip to the go-kart track looks positively cheap. Today's costs are $270. Til tomorrow x
Sunday, 19 April 2015
April 19th 2015 - Spongebob Snooze Pants
An event rarer than a lunar eclipse happened in our house this morning. Firstly, we all slept past 7am on a Sunday morning. But more amazing than that, Long Legs slept past 8am. I then went on to lose nearly 2 hours of my life by going to see the Spongebob movie. Let's go back a couple of weeks when the film first came out. The Short One was desperate to see it but as there were lots of other films out at the same time, I 'suggested' Spongebob might need to be left til the weekend because Daddy would want to see it too. The Short One was happy with this and it soon became entrenched in his mind that he could not go and see it unless Daddy was there too. I had a day at Uni last Saturday, perfect opportunity to go. Daddy decided to take them elsewhere. The Short One was not impressed. Mummy less so. The Short One is so desperate to go, I suggested it as an option when we had a trip to the movies in the week. Long Legs declared all the films too babyish, on the back of going to see Fast and Furious 7 for his friend's birthday, declaring I only see M films now Mums. Ha ha, yeah right. The Short One said no, because he had to go with Daddy.
Yesterday, Mummy suggested another perfect opportunity to go. As you know, if you read yesterday's post, Daddy decided to go the water park. The Short One by now is getting grumpy. His Spongebob t-shirt is virtually walking out of his chest of drawers itself to climb onto the Short One's body. So this morning was to be the morning all was well. I prepared to wave them off and rather stupidly said, 'you don't want me to come too do you?' 'Of course I do Mummy.' Ah well, it can't be as bad as the reviews are making it out to be. Well actually, I haven't read those reviews but I've heard they are not good. It would be fair to say they are pretty accurate. Praise the Lord for Antonio Banderas, the only reason I did not stuff popcorn up my nostrils in an attempt to snuff myself out of the misery. The movie makers knew what they were doing casting him in the role as an appeasement to all the poor mothers out there who were being made to go and see this film. But the stinger, the absolute nails being pulled out by pliers moment has to go to the Short One after the film ended, who then declared it 'boring'...
We decided (the husband and I) to increase the agony by then popping into the shop for some food. The Short One's pain knew no bounds and Long Legs who was expecting LL2 to return for a play, after his comatosed state last night, was equally unimpressed. We made it out alive and without the need to deny all knowledge of knowing who 'those children' belong to. I joke of course about shopping nightmares but it's really no joke on occasion and emotional regulation, which is an issue for both my boys, as it is I suspect for every child on the spectrum, can be very difficult to understand if you don't know the ASD reasoning behind it. The ASD brain can be very fixed in the way it thinks, that's why a lot of ASD kids need routine and to know what's happening and when. Any detour from things happening the way they expect can lead to a multitude of emotional responses.
The Short One expresses his inability to cope with things by crying. A lot. The Short One, if you did not know him and did not understand the agony he goes through when he doesn't understand why something is not going the way it is being played out in his head, you would think he was a spoiled brat who threw a tanty every 10 minutes because he wasn't getting his own way. It's very exhausting trying to pre-empt his every thought which of course is his thoughts, not words, so we have no idea what he's thinking and have to channel our inner psychicness. When I made Long Leg's birthday cake the other day, he had apparently asked to help me decorate it. Whilst I stood there decorating it on his actual birthday with Short One in the same room as me, watching me, I forgot his request. And clearly, given that he was watching me, he was that absorbed in the tv or Lego too much to remember himself. However, later on, his memory returned and he threw a major wobbler. He wanted to help me and I should have remembered.
Long Legs turns green and goes by the name of Hulk when he can't cope. Long Legs has improved dramatically over the years. His current displays involve shouting the word 'no' a lot and running away. I should be grateful my walls get left in one piece but it is highly frustrating. Last week he ran around the street refusing to get in the car because he had no warning that we were going out. Again, if you didn't know him, you would think he was being a very rude, insolent brat. Which to be fair, his method of choosing to tell me he is not happy with me is not acceptable so it's definitely something we have to work on tomorrow with the psych. Today he stomped around when we got home from the movies because his brain was stuck on the fact that LL2 was meant to be here today with him. He was that exhausted he fell asleep relatively drama free last night but he spent the day waiting to hear if LL2 was coming over today to play still. A message finally arrived from LL2's mother saying she was bringing him over, which I will confess, doing a little happy dance to.
Apart from a trip to the movies, the purse has had a day off today! So I'll leave you with a few stories from The World of The Short One. His brilliance showed no bounds with this. 'Mummy, in the film Ghost, how come the ghost can walk through walls but when he sat in a chair, he didn't fall through?' I had no answer. Later on when we were sharing a bath, his curiosity led to the opposite end of brilliance when he stuck his finger in the bath tap to see what happened. 'Mummy, my finger is stuck and it hurts.' Again, speechless. After our bath, he decided to show me his ridiculous by putting my white bra on his head with the cups over his eyes 'Mummy, look I'm Wall-E!' Head shake and eyes roll. Til tomorrow x
Yesterday, Mummy suggested another perfect opportunity to go. As you know, if you read yesterday's post, Daddy decided to go the water park. The Short One by now is getting grumpy. His Spongebob t-shirt is virtually walking out of his chest of drawers itself to climb onto the Short One's body. So this morning was to be the morning all was well. I prepared to wave them off and rather stupidly said, 'you don't want me to come too do you?' 'Of course I do Mummy.' Ah well, it can't be as bad as the reviews are making it out to be. Well actually, I haven't read those reviews but I've heard they are not good. It would be fair to say they are pretty accurate. Praise the Lord for Antonio Banderas, the only reason I did not stuff popcorn up my nostrils in an attempt to snuff myself out of the misery. The movie makers knew what they were doing casting him in the role as an appeasement to all the poor mothers out there who were being made to go and see this film. But the stinger, the absolute nails being pulled out by pliers moment has to go to the Short One after the film ended, who then declared it 'boring'...
We decided (the husband and I) to increase the agony by then popping into the shop for some food. The Short One's pain knew no bounds and Long Legs who was expecting LL2 to return for a play, after his comatosed state last night, was equally unimpressed. We made it out alive and without the need to deny all knowledge of knowing who 'those children' belong to. I joke of course about shopping nightmares but it's really no joke on occasion and emotional regulation, which is an issue for both my boys, as it is I suspect for every child on the spectrum, can be very difficult to understand if you don't know the ASD reasoning behind it. The ASD brain can be very fixed in the way it thinks, that's why a lot of ASD kids need routine and to know what's happening and when. Any detour from things happening the way they expect can lead to a multitude of emotional responses.
The Short One expresses his inability to cope with things by crying. A lot. The Short One, if you did not know him and did not understand the agony he goes through when he doesn't understand why something is not going the way it is being played out in his head, you would think he was a spoiled brat who threw a tanty every 10 minutes because he wasn't getting his own way. It's very exhausting trying to pre-empt his every thought which of course is his thoughts, not words, so we have no idea what he's thinking and have to channel our inner psychicness. When I made Long Leg's birthday cake the other day, he had apparently asked to help me decorate it. Whilst I stood there decorating it on his actual birthday with Short One in the same room as me, watching me, I forgot his request. And clearly, given that he was watching me, he was that absorbed in the tv or Lego too much to remember himself. However, later on, his memory returned and he threw a major wobbler. He wanted to help me and I should have remembered.
Long Legs turns green and goes by the name of Hulk when he can't cope. Long Legs has improved dramatically over the years. His current displays involve shouting the word 'no' a lot and running away. I should be grateful my walls get left in one piece but it is highly frustrating. Last week he ran around the street refusing to get in the car because he had no warning that we were going out. Again, if you didn't know him, you would think he was being a very rude, insolent brat. Which to be fair, his method of choosing to tell me he is not happy with me is not acceptable so it's definitely something we have to work on tomorrow with the psych. Today he stomped around when we got home from the movies because his brain was stuck on the fact that LL2 was meant to be here today with him. He was that exhausted he fell asleep relatively drama free last night but he spent the day waiting to hear if LL2 was coming over today to play still. A message finally arrived from LL2's mother saying she was bringing him over, which I will confess, doing a little happy dance to.
Apart from a trip to the movies, the purse has had a day off today! So I'll leave you with a few stories from The World of The Short One. His brilliance showed no bounds with this. 'Mummy, in the film Ghost, how come the ghost can walk through walls but when he sat in a chair, he didn't fall through?' I had no answer. Later on when we were sharing a bath, his curiosity led to the opposite end of brilliance when he stuck his finger in the bath tap to see what happened. 'Mummy, my finger is stuck and it hurts.' Again, speechless. After our bath, he decided to show me his ridiculous by putting my white bra on his head with the cups over his eyes 'Mummy, look I'm Wall-E!' Head shake and eyes roll. Til tomorrow x
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