http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html?fb_action_ids=10152344716430417&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=timeline_og&action_object_map=%7B%2210152344716430417%22%3A276849515770818%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210152344716430417%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D
I had heard the young man who committed the Sandy Hook massacre had Asperger's. The minute I saw the photograph of him as a teenager, I knew. It is something that happens when you become a parent of a child with ASC yourself, you unveil a radar you never knew was inside. My first thought was, 'Oh great, now they're going to have a field day laying the blame at the Asperger's door without looking deeper.' In Australia at least, it hasn't been mentioned every time his name has been uttered as the killer of 20 children and 6 adults. In the job that I do, and being the mother of children with many hidden disabilities between them is a very real job let me tell you, I have learned no child with any type of hidden condition just 'does'. Their behaviour is the sign of an underlying message which we need to decipher to help them appropriately. I understood this young man did not just wake up one morning and decide to go and kill his mother and then her school children. He did not just do it because he has Asperger's. He needed help from a very young age to help him cope with his condition, be able to function in society. Without that help he at best would be a socially awkward hermit, laughed at and ignored, hoping to end his days with as little attention as possible. At worst, he would become what he did.
I was very careful in telling Harry about the young man who had killed all those children the same age as his brother because I didn't want him to think that he was going to turn out the same way just because he has Asperger's too. I try very hard to make him view his conditions as positively as I can. What I did tell him was the reason I send him to all the therapies I do. He recently had a stand off with his OT because he told her, arms crossed, that he could do everything she wanted him to do so he didn't need to come anymore and then proceeded to walk out of the therapy room. Harry used to be very compliant with all his therapies, now he is older and much more self-conscious I know I am going to have trouble. I asked the OT to talk science to Harry, infiltrate that clever brain of his and explain how OT therapy works and why Harry needed to go. We talked neurons. He got back to work. And it is work, very hard work, especially when the OT is asking him to do things with his body that don't come naturally to him. Imagine being an extremely unfit adult and being told to do 100 sit-ups followed by 100 press-ups. Your body would be screaming at you after 10? I imagine that is how Harry feels being asked to co-ordinate his body in ways he cannot yet do. For my son's sake, I need to persevere with this course of therapy for a long time. I often wish I knew five years ago what I know now. But I am grateful I know at all.
When it came to explaining the reason this young man committed such an atrocity, I simply said to Harry this boy never got help. So on days when he's had enough of his therapy session he can remember I want him to control his condition and not for it to control him. The article I have attached made me cry as much as the news several days ago because without therapy my son would be a knife wielding 9 year old. There are children all over the World who aren't getting the kind of help they need. Either their parents are failing them or the authorities are. I kicked several backsides to get my son a diagnosis, I offended people, people judged me as a neurotic mother. I do not apologise. I have recently had to do the same thing again for Elliot. Again, I do not apologise. With Harry, we could still be on the see-saw of 'it could be this, let's try this' and not on a very real treatment plan if I hadn't. A mis-diagnosis a year prior to his Asperger's diagnosis saw him having a type of therapy that
was very wrong for him and was a waste of a year. Imagine if that had
continued? Because we understood why he got angry, I got him the right help to control this anger. He now stops and thinks before he punches my walls or kicks me. I have not been physically hurt on purpose since... I actually can't remember when the last time was. A couple of years ago, it would have been a weekly occurrence or more. A couple of years ago I dreaded what the next few years would bring, when he would notice the knife I had sitting on the bread board next to me as he was taking his rage out on my body. I no longer have to plan what I would do if he took a knife to me or worse, because I can now live with my son without fear.
Andrew and I have spent nearly 18 months getting his medication right to control his chemistry. Without it he does not function. There is a very real lack of appreciation for how reliant on medication he is. We tried taking him off his anti-psychotic this year because of fears over how many 'drugs' we were putting in his body and the nay-sayers telling us he would be reliant on them forever, taking him off when he is a teenager will be equivalent to taking him off heroin after years on it. Cheerful stuff. We lived with hell for months, it being suggested to us he was suffering drug withdrawal and would get better. I eventually beat down the door of the GPs and begged for it back. I asked the Paediatrician what was going on and he said simply, he needs it. And so our philosophy when we agonise over what he is putting in his tiny little body, is just that. He needs it.
Next year, we tackle sensory stimuli in the classroom. As the article says, these children cannot cope in an overly sensory environment. They are not being naughty. They cannot cope. We have learned a lot this year about what sets Harry off and what help he needs. Medication can only do so much. With a marvellous Inclusion Teacher, the support of the school Principal and the help of an OT who knows what she's talking about, I am very hopeful for the next school year.
The Australian Government has yet again cut mental health funding going into 2013. I can only access ten visits to see the psychologist next year down from sixteen. My boy has been getting a lot of help for a few years now, we'll get by I am sure. I feel for any parent with a newly diagnosed child who needs more therapy than they are going to be given. Wishing all the politicians in the World the courage and foresight to take on mental health in 2013. Wishing all the mothers and fathers out there who find themselves in the same position as Liza Long, the writer of the article, a calm Christmas and a peaceful New Year.
Merry Christmas Everyone.
Lorna x
