December marks the end of the Australian school year, which for our ASC children is the time of year they go a little loopy and spit the proverbial dummy. It is also time for the man in the big red coat to come and visit which can also be stressful and the ever present strategic planning goes into overdrive. Turkeys are not the only thing running around headless at this time of year. So who to blame for the two events happening at the same time of year? The bright spark in the Australian Education Department who said the school year should run from January to December? Or Joseph and Mary for the ill-timed birth of their baby? What I really would like to know though is, Santa I have been soooooo good this year, (as in previous years!), when are you going to double my gin rations for the following year like I keep asking?!
Term 4 is notorious amongst us parents and the professionals who help us, as being the term when, if they haven't already during the year, the wheels well and truly fall off the car for our children. All children are exhausted towards the end of the school year, but exhaustion takes on a whole new meaning when referring to an ASC child. If I had the ability to peel open one of their heads, I think I would literally see scrambled eggs in place of their brain. But still the schools keep insisting they attend, do more assessments, take part in Christmas activities and week by week us parents wish for the end of term to come NOW! We give them half days off here and there, teachers give more free time in class just to help our children limp over the finish line but inevitably they will have crashed long before they get there.
This year I took the step of telling Harry's new teacher to pace what she expected of him over the year. If she pushed too hard in the first half of the year, I would be calling for the men in white coats to come and take me away by August! It seems to have worked a little as we made it to mid way through term 4 before the collision course made an appearance. We then gave him the entire last week off of school to recover his senses and to test mine to the limit! Am I being unreasonable thinking 4.30am is a little early to want to go out and play?! Three weeks after he finished school, I am now brave enough to take him out in public again! Cue the man with the beard...
No sooner have we returned to Planet Sanity, we then have to start Operation Reindeer. Christmas is the one time of the year when children love the excitement of a day being different from all the rest. Not so for our children who don't cope with change very well, over-stimulation and the unexpected. The most wonderful time of the year full of generosity of spirit sees ASC parents acting more like Scrooge as we dictate the presents our children can cope with, insist on there not being too many and the biggest bah humbug of them all, having to tell our relatives when they can and can't come to spend time with us and our children. As they get older, they do cope better but limitations still need to be in place. And for the food sensitive child, forget that headless turkey with all the trimmings!
This year, I am hoping I have learnt from Christmases past. We realised a few years ago that Harry did not cope with too many presents. One year he would have happily had the first one he opened, he was so overjoyed with it, there was real delight and appreciation that we will never forget. But as the loving parents that we are, we of course had more for him. And slowly, one by one, the un-wrapping got more careless and the presents less and less exciting. He went off with his first one happy as Harry! Lesson learnt.
We then tried to calm the over-stimulation down by spreading the gift giving over a few days. This totally confused him as he had no idea present giving ended and the expectation was for a present every day as Santa clearly had nothing better to do than pop back to our house every night for a week! This year I am attempting to solve all problems by limiting presents and telling him exactly how many there are. They have been numbered and I will give him a check list for him to tick off numbers as he opens them. Then when all boxes are ticked, it's game over! Hopefully, Santa has had some ASC training in the past year and something delivered by him this year will be appreciated!
Finding suitable presents that will bring delight to an ASC child's eyes and not horror or distress is tricky. They may not be able to work out how to use age-appropriate toys, or they may be too noisy or scary. Or, as we have the problem with, they may have an expectation of what they are going to get and it can all go a bit pear-shaped when they don't. To others, this child will seem spoilt and ungrateful, but really he's not. They need to know what is going to happen, and in the absence of being told what their gift is, they decide what is going to be. When things don't pan out the way they have in their heads, it's very traumatic and they can't cope.
After a few duff educational toys which we hoped Harry would find fun and would develop some of his skills, we realised he just couldn't use them and so we decided to try and be inventive and imaginative, giving him different things to traditional toys. Big mistake! As far as Harry is concerned, Christmas is for toys. So when Harry didn't get many things to play with last year or the year before (I mean how many cars/planes/lego does a boy really need?), the ipod Touch we got so he could listen to music and play games could just as well have been toilet roll! This year's battle is over his request, repeatedly, for an XBox 360 which he has been informed is not something Santa ever gives! At least this year he has verbalised this to us and we have had a fighting chance of heading him off at the pass. But he will of course have it in his head that is what he is getting because it's what he's asked for. Am I ready for a Christmas day meltdown? Oh yes! This year, bring on the cars, planes and lego!!!
And as for dinner, well I'm throwing caution to the wind there too this year, throwing the rule book well and truly out of the window. My boys will be served a gourmet beans on toast with a festive egg if they want - yes I know wrong holiday! I could try and insist we all sit down for a family meal but what's the point in giving Andrew and myself indigestion while encouraging the boys to eat my maple and pecan crusted carrots which I know they would much rather shove up my nose! So we will be enjoying the full works for two when they are tucked up in bed and as they will not eat my home made Christmas pudding, Andrew and I can stuff every last morsel into our mouths a la Dawn French in The Vicar of Dibley Christmas Special!
So whatever your plans are for Christmas, I hope you enjoy a calm and sane festive season. Thanks for reading this year, I hope I have made some of you realise you are not alone, have informed others and maybe given you all a giggle along the way! See you in 2012. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
