Oh I do love a good birthday party! But it's fair to say Long Legs hasn't had many of these over the years, so today's birthday party was extra fun. You may have read a post I put on my FB page a few days ago about a mother who invited strangers to her daughter's birthday because nobody had rsvped and over 100 strangers turned up to celebrate with her. I totally understand why the mother did it as planning birthdays for Long Legs has never been just a simple who do you want to invite and what do you want to do?
Parties haven't been a big part of his childhood, either his own or as a guest at others. Once things started to go a little pear shaped socially for him, his birthdays had to be planned strategically. As any parent who has been in this situation knows, and I know there are
a lot of us, watching everyone receive a Christmas card except your
child or knowing the parties that are happening in their class but with
no invites coming his way, makes you do things other parents don't even
have to think about.
When he was 6, he had just started primary school and as one of the first birthdays for his class, I simply invited every single boy to his birthday. That way, with no way of knowing if he would make friends, I could at least ensure he was at least invited to their birthdays that year out of politeness. During his 6th birthday, all of the boys had fun playing the games in the swimming pool whilst he stayed in the corner of the pool splashing around on his own. My husband and I were bothered by this in one respect, but our son was having a party with a load of boys from his class. We hoped this gave him a fighting chance for the rest of the year.
I could honestly count on two hands maximum how many birthdays he has been invited to since we moved inter-state just before he turned 7. When he was 8, I decided to have a big party for him in the local park to try and assist in the friendship making process again. 3 children rsvped out of the many I had invited which made it less of
a party and more of a play at the park with 3 friends. I was devastated and I haven't bothered trying to organise a party since.
He started high school this year and got off to a slightly rocky start with his attempts to make friends involving some interesting manoeuvres on his part. Thankfully, he settled down pretty quickly, but kids don't forget. Having not had a party since his 6th birthday, I decided this year was the year and I let him invite quite a few boys to go karting with him today. As anybody who has ever gone karting knows, it is not a cheap activity. On any other occasion I might have suggested he took a few good friends, especially given my husband was out of work for two months at the end of last year. An expensive party would in any other household be the thing to go by the wayside at such times. But when he looks back at
photos of his birthdays, I want him to have memories of a party and not feel like he has missed out. And yes this was as much for me as it was for him. Most importantly, for socialisation reasons, I want the boys in his class to get to know the real him.
Today I watched him kart, go on amusement rides, play mini-golf and laugh with his group of friends and be totally involved with his own party. Obviously this is such a far cry from his 6th birthday. I also noticed he wasn't making any inappropriate social attempts to get anyone's attention, the boys were all running around having fun and let's just say watching them drive and hit a few tyres was making us parents cringe but laugh out loud. I now have the all important photos to record the day and he can go to school on Monday and share the memories of the day with his friends who he hopefully will continue to just be himself with and not feel he has to try so hard to fit in. I consider today's party to be very much part of the cost of raising a child with ASD. It wasn't just a party for a party's sake. Instead of spending a couple of hours in a psychologist's office talking about the theory of social skills, he spent several hours putting those skills into practice. I reckon the party cost about the same as 2 hours in his psych's office but don't know for sure. Once I am brave enough to look at the credit card statement, I'll add it to my yearly total. Til tomorrow x
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