The Ups And The Downs!

This blog has been in my thought process for quite a while now.  Somehow, the time and ability to do it has caught up with me and I can't think of a better time to start sharing with you than now.  As all parents know, life with kids is full of ups and downs.  When you're a parent of a child with Asperger's, those up's are way up high - the day they achieve something you've been told they will never achieve for example.  But the down's are so far down, if you've never been down there, trust me, you don't want to go.  But I'm going to focus on the up's as they've been pretty high up lately.  And whilst us parents know life in the 'Hidden Lane' is hard, some people new to our World may think of it as all doom and gloom, and we all need to remember the positives our children bring to our lives and the options their differabilities can offer them.
 
When you bump into Tony Attwood on a regular basis, as I do, you'd think the novelty would wear off, but it doesn't.  He quite literally is the Bono of the ASD World!  This week, I found myself standing with him alone and pretended to fumble for something in my bag as quite frankly I didn't know what to say to him or more to the point, I felt that anything I did say would make me sound like a delirious fan.  "Hey Tone, love your work!" would have had him looking at me like the crazy, mad, stalker parent that I feel I sometimes am.  And asking him if he's doing anything nice for the weekend would seem like a complete waste of words when I could ask him so much more.  So I chose to stay silent.  Recently he stopped to talk to Long Legs and have a chat with him about his toy plane.  I amazed myself by actually talking to him on this occasion, not just standing there like a blithering idiot, and I was genuinely touched by him taking the time to bend down and talk to Long Legs about his plane.  Then, a few days ago, the whole family had the pleasure of meeting Mark Webber, F1 Australian legend and a hero of Long Legs who, like a lot of Aspies has a transport passion.  He was an absolute gentleman, so kind to us all, particularly Long Legs and a more polite 'celebrity' I don't think you could ever wish to meet.

I was left pondering whether Long Legs would ever appreciate the enormity of both of these occasions in his life; it has taken him until recently to realise that Tony Attwood is not in fact Tony Abbot, opposition leader in Australia!; and whether he would ever realise that the research of one man over the past few decades has probably enabled him to seek and find the dream of being able to do the same work as the other man.  Of course, one man will never know the appreciation I feel for him because quite frankly I'm a pathetic excuse of a woman who can't string two words together when she is in his presence!  And Long Legs, well, he didn't display his appreciation for the other because he has Asperger's!

Despite throwing himself at me like a catapult when told we were going to meet Mark, then proceeding to deface an ordinary t-shirt and Renault F1 cap with indelible marker pen displaying his obvious adoration for Mark and his racing team, when the opportunity came around, Long Legs ran away the second Mark showed his face!  Being a true hero, Mark came across to him, bent down to shake his hand and say hello.  Long Legs managed to pull a few cheesie grins for the camera, belying his true feelings for the event.  But when it came time to leave, Long Legs threw a 'goodbye' over his shoulder to Mark much to the bemusement of me. 

This meeting gave me a renewed optimism that Long Leg's dreams of becoming a racing car driver are perhaps not as far-fetched as they could seem.  Firstly, having held the belief that drivers had to be fairly short to fit into a racing car, I was surprised to discover Mark Webber is actually really tall, much taller than I anticipated as my husband had told me he was as tall as him (which isn't very), having met him on a previous occasion.  Much to my amusement, he is in fact much taller than my husband but this bodes well for Long Legs who is on path to be a very tall boy. 

Secondly, the passion for transport and, in particular cars, means Long Legs will always have the drive and determination to succeed in whichever career path he chooses - well there's got to be some benefits to having Asperger's right?  And focus and determination along with perhaps some selfish, single-mindedness are all great ingredients for such a demanding career choice.  I read in an interview that Mark had chosen not to get married or have children (although he does have a long term partner) for this reason.   Given the latest research that Asperger's is more likely to be passed on genetically than previously thought, this is possibly a good thing.  Not that I would change a single cell of either of my children, I love them as they are, but let's not pretend being the parent of a child with a hidden disability is easy!  

However, this option is not within my control as Long Legs at the grand old age of 8 already has a penchant for all things female and blonde.  Catching him checking out 12 year old girls walking past with their parents is amusing but a little off-balancing.  I asked some other parents of 8 year olds if their sons were interested in girls too and I received a resounding no!  Interestingly, I had already told myself that one day, one of my sons could announce they were gay and living in this modern World where I have friends of all persuasions, I was determined for it not to be a big deal for either of them to tell me.  I guess, at least where Long Legs is concerned, this is no longer something I need to prepare for!

 
So now I suppose I should spend more time paying attention to Long Leg's passions as one day, depending on which passion takes precedence; all things blonde and cute or all things red and fast; I may have to get my head around the fact that I may never be a grandmother by him.  Or, rather more disturbingly, I could end up being a grandmother by him rather sooner than I would hope!