Somewhere Over The Rainbow...

So some of you may (or most likely not!) have noticed I've been very quiet this year. There is a reason for this.  My Jo went awol and my Mo couldn't cope without her. Upon reflection I've realised just as I thought I'd overcome one major test of endurance involving either one or both of my children, slightly bruised but undefeated, there was another one poking it's nose around a corner trying to hide from me until it chose the right moment to jump out and say Boo! I climbed that mountain slowly but surely reaching the top and sucking in that fresh air for dear life and each time thought righto! I can start my descent now and carry on.  I honestly thought I was up there for longer breathing in that pure air but in fact, I actually didn't have much more than a few seconds. I now know I started to climb back down to solid ground but no sooner had I started, up popped several peaks in front of me. 

I've been a mountaineer for over six years now and I never realised before just how long I've had my backpack continuously on. And as anyone will surely appreciate, all this mountain climbing is bloody exhausting!  No one mountain has been the same. The climbs are usually because of a child or on behalf of a child, but a new one took me by surprise this year, one involving me. My view of things such as 'we've overcome the anxiety episode' or 'the sensory overload months' was skewing with my perception of things. I honestly thought things were going good and I couldn't understand what my problem was until a few months ago when I lost the plot. Big style.  Then a ping went off above my head.

Things this year haven't been peachy, they have been better than last year or the year before, but they were undoubtedly made so much worse because I was well and truly out of puff. Only I didn't know it. However, the mind gremlins did and in the relative calm, spying an easy target, they joined forces with the body police who decided 'grab her now boys whilst she's not looking!' The oxygen tank was pulled out at the first chance it's had to really pump some air back into my deflated body in years and I was thrown into a little cave where it was really dark and I hid with my Mo but no Jo.

Luckily with the aide of my light-bulb I didn't just sit there, I became a fan of all things Chinese; medicinally and proverbally (is that a word??). My son's new psychologist (who is Chinese) gave me a great Chinese proverb 'A rest allows us to travel further'. Doesn't that make so much sense? But how many of us do it? I know I haven't been doing it but if I keep slogging up those mountains without putting up a tent more than once a year, it is inevitable that I will just slide down those icy outcrops on my butt, too tired to grab a passing rock and put up a fight.

It is only now I have climbed this peak singing Valder-ree Valder-raa completely out of tune that I can stand at the top of yet another summit with the sun shining down on my head, naturally beaming a light onto my head allowing me to see clearly - light-bulb you are dismissed. I have learnt you can't go hiking without provisions and if you go summit climbing, you can't do much else.  I have joined a gym giving me the muscles to climb these sodding rock faces and the mental space to just be.  I've also recently done the Triple P Parenting Course for parents of children with special needs and I have a bag full of new strategies helping me up these hills. By golly it works! 

It also encourages positive parenting which involves spending a lot of quality time with your children, something I have not been doing fearing the World will end – I suspected an explosion of a Clothes Volcano created in my house being the ultimate Armageddon. So I send the washing down to base camp where the husband dutifully irons on a Sunday afternoon after we have spent the day together.  It allows me time to be with the boys after school instead of trying to do everything before the weekend.  Of course nothing is as simple as doing more for yourself and less for others.  You will feel guilt.  So I take comfort from the fact we as a family are having the best time and because Jo has returned to Mumma and Mo, I am able to appreciate how truly awesome my boys are.  

I've really only been stopping for tea-breaks though and am yet to decide where to have my first official camp out - guilt is preventing me booking a night away or even an afternoon - but I'll get there.  Honest!  But indulge me if you will, come and meet me up the mountain.  I can't promise a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and the skies may not be blue afterwards but bring a sleeping bag and we'll lay for a while to look at the rainbow the storm has created.  Imagine it now, aren't the colours pretty?

Authors note: No Chinese Prozac were hurt in the making of this post :)