Münchhausen Mumma!

Now there is a vicious rumour that I'm a little bit partial to the crazy biscuits.  Ok, it's less rumour, more fact but let's stick to the point.  As with most things in life, there is a time and a place for things and when it comes to my children, my marbles are well and truly lined up and ready to roll.  I am an intelligent woman with bone fide initials after my name and everything!  People who have only met me post-children are surprised to hear this as I no longer work in the area I studied long and hard for.  The presumption being if you are a stay-at-home mum, as I now am, you aren't capable of much else and to put it harshly, you are brainless.  This presumption doesn't bother me so much, it's the fact that as 'just' a Mother you aren't taken very seriously.  As we all know, when it comes to our children with hidden disabilities we struggle as it is to be heard.  When you try telling somebody, anybody, that there is something going on with your child, with no credentials to back you up (the several years mothering qualifications you possess are not worth the gin receipts they are written on), you just as well sign yourself up to the Münchhausen Mumma's Club.

I was dubbed a Münchhausen mother with my eldest son for quite a few years, and still to this day there are very few people who get just how much his conditions really affect him.  Back in the early days, I didn't really know what I was doing and I didn't have the knowledge to prove that I knew what I was talking about.  Relationships with professionals and friends suffered as a result.  To others I was dog in a human body, clearly barking.  It took over two years and two assessments for him to be diagnosed with Aspergers, longer for ADHD, three years to be told he had a severe language delay and he was only diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and auditory processing problems earlier this year. 

At the end of last year I started asking questions about my youngest son.  The plus side of having been there, done that, got the gin subscription is you know which section of the library to head to when your inner Sherlock rears his head.  You know which professionals to approach and you know, your instincts having been proved right once already, you are not prepared to be labelled a Münchhausen Mumma for a second time.  Sadly, in the absence of a visual difference, the signs that there is something else going on are not obvious to some people and, therefore, the problem is in the head of the mother.

Interestingly the rate of Münchhausen's is 2 children out of 100,000 have a mother making up their conditions for attention.  Which given 1 in 10 school-aged children have an ADHD diagnosis and 1 in 4 boys have an ASC diagnosis, begs the question - why is it presumed the mother has Münchhausen's before it being considered that she might just have a very real problem occurring?    We don't hear someone saying when we complain of a headache that we need to get to hospital quick because we're obviously suffering from an aneurysm do we?

The bonus of having a child already diagnosed with these conditions is that you are likely to be taken more seriously, the gene factor carrying kudos over the loopy factor.   But that's not to say you remain completely unscathed.  Whilst many people were prepared to listen to me this time around, a few still rolled their eyes.    God bless my marvellous paediatrician who saw my son almost immediately and started the process of elimination.

Of course, if you'd asked me a year ago did my son have any obvious signs of the conditions his brother had been diagnosed with, I would have said no.  The problem with having a child already diagnosed with hidden conditions, I have discovered, is that you are alert to similarities cropping up in your other children and if the same symptoms don't arise, you think you're home and clear.  Just to add to the confusion, a few similar behaviours may be presumed to have been learnt or a coincidence.  So the ignorance continues.  The first six years of my sons' existences were as similar as the lives led by a nun and a prostitute.  Son with the long legs is hyper, obsessed with transport, very easily angered, runs like a whippet, clever in his areas of knowledge (OMG if anyone wants to know anything about the Olympics I have your boy), hates red capsicum, loves peas.  The short one is not hyper except verbally, wouldn't give you tuppence for a Thomas train set, placid but emotional, runs like his mother (trust me, it's not pretty), very intelligent, loves capsicum, hates peas!

As suspected, (give myself an honourary doctorate in mothering!) a few weeks ago I went from being the mother of one child with ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, anxiety, language delays and co-ordination difficulties to the mother of two.  Whilst we hold the theoretical knowledge that these conditions affect children differently,  seeing just how differently they can affect siblings has been a real learning curve for me.  One son has the hyperactive form of ADHD, the other the inattentive type.  It doesn't mean one child doesn't have ADHD, it just means his symptoms are different.  This applies as much to siblings as it does to children in general.  How many times have you heard 'oh well he doesn't do that, so he can't be' or 'but she can do this and kids with XYZ can't do that'.  Cue more Münchhausen Mumma subscriptions.

Thankfully, the process this time has taken several months as opposed to several years and the short one is receiving early intervention which we know is so crucial when they are young.  The point of all this is, of course, to tell any mother out there working on pure gut instinct to trust themselves and release that inner Sherlock!   If it helps to dream of Robert Downey Jnr a little then so be it.  Sure we sometimes get it wrong (but only a little bit) and not everybody out there is determined to label all Mothers as in need of a lobotomy.  But remember the odds are in your favour.

Oh and in case you were wondering, my re-subscription to the Münchhausen Mumma's Club has been refused.  Apparently to join you have to be more mentally unstable and less physically unstable due to the effects of alcohol...